And I feel like I'm juggling.
I feel like I'm changing. And I'm not sure if it is going to be for the bad, or the good. And I really, really feel like I'm losing myself. I don't know me so well anymore.

is there a hole in your heart?

Author: Shexpeare /

I think I lied to myself a little. But, because I wanted to believe it... I didn't have to say it too much. It wasn't just in my head, but my heart heard it too. I just refused to believe that things changed. In a way I'm right. They didn't change. It has always been this way, sorta. And all my buddies know that I'm being depressive lately. But they don't understand this little hole eating away at my heart. It is worse than my outside emo... ness. In fact, it hides underneath all that. Because that is fixable. We can talk about that. We can't talk about this little hole. Because I refuse to believe there is a little crack in something. I refuse to believe somethings... somethings just SHOULDNT be allowed to change.

Ellesse knows about this little hole. She puts her thumb over it a lot, and tells me that I shouldn't worry. The blood will dry and it will fix itself before my heart pours out and it is all gone. That doesn't happen she says. She lets her thumb up, and in my brain I believe her. It will fix itself. But I dunno man, it is pouring out pretty quick. And everytime I have to acknowledge that, yeah... things are really never going to go back- that hole tears a little more.
I won't die. I'm alive. But it is holes like that, that make me grow older in ways I don't want to.

The Spirit

Author: Shexpeare /

The good news: Scarlett Johansson is pretty cool. She dresses REALLY thug, and all of her clothes reminded me of Kaitlin. She was a major hottie. In fact, Kaitlin, you should watch this movie just so you can see her awesome coat that reminded me of you. Scarlett was the only one to pull off... this melodramatic style of acting that WORKED for Sin City but did not work for.... well.... Everyone else just seemed kinda like bad actors. Her character was neat.
It had a few really cool moments.
It was VERY pretty- I mean, Sin City was really pretty. There was even Clives. (Chucks) Black ones though.
I like his costume. I'm going to have to copy it. I want one. Sarah Paulson is a favorite from Studio 60.

The very bad news: It uhhh... wasn't good. I mean, it just... wasn't good. Especially compared to Sin City and 300. NOT. GOOD.
Samuel L. Jackson. 'Nuff said.

Umm, Voice Work for Best Characters Ever? Yes Please.

Author: Shexpeare /

I wish I did the voices for video games.
Everytime I pick up a new game that I absolutely adore, I find out that some really cool actress does the voice of yet another character I love. First you can check out Jen Taylor, who does the voices of these awesome characters: Obviously she does the voice of the girl in the middle, Zoey. Zombie Killing Expert.
Princess Toadstool. Peach. Mario, Congrats, you just saved the princess.

Cortana. How many times have Hye Soo and I saved her? *Sigh* I love Halo 3.


Yeah. AWESOME.
Then there is Jennifer Hale. Who I love even more.... she does the voice of Bastila- who is one of my favorite Jedi... Ever. In my favorite video game of all time. Samus- one of my favorite nintendo characters, and my super smash brothers favorite. And also Commander Shepard. Jennifer Hale probably wins as my favorite voice actress. She really is brilliant. Besides my favorite three, she has done voices for so many things and she sounds SO different everytime. The woman is versatile.

A jedi with an incredible Journey. Love that british accent. Haha.Just look at the cool costume. Need I say more?

Just look at the cool costume. Need I say more?... the one on the RIGHT punks. Saves the universe. Has sex with aliens. HAHAHAH Best game ever.

And then there is Dana Delany. She plays Katherine Mayfair on Desperate Housewives. We all love her, and she does the voice of Lois Lane on countless superman/batman cartoons. *Sigh* All of the above would be my dream job.

I fell.

the world opens up and swallows them

Author: Shexpeare /

American Psycho: Yeah. I'm fairly certain I didn't like this movie. I dunno. But sometimes I like the things Patrick Bateman says. I know, thats sick.

"There is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.

I know my behavior can be... erratic sometimes.

Even after admitting this there is no catharsis, My punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing. "

Salt Lake Buddies!

Author: Shexpeare /




Drinking hot chocolate at a cafe... reading a play outloud... liz's christmas party.. temple square. Yeah. I had a nice time in Salt Lake. It was just really happy. And I love my little school family. It was really relaxing, and so HAPPY to see some of the buddies.
I really really love Left 4 Dead. It is my favorite new game. Zoey is a freaking awesome zombie hunter.

they deserve better, or I deserve better, or somebody deserves something

Author: Shexpeare /

Kaitlin just gave me a play journal.. which she made for me.
It IS AMAZING. Seriously, what a freaking awesome present. She even mentioned me telling my own bedtime stories one day. *sigh* I only hope they can be half as good as Ellesse's.... maybe if I go to LOn-DON.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. Journal of awesominity.
Kaitlin and I are having a sleepover of greatness. I had an amazing fancy dinner with really good cake next to the fire. Its very christmasy here.
Cathy is brave in the face of dragons. Big scary dragons... fire breathing trogdors.
I gave in, and read that partial draft of Midnight Sun (you know that uhhh Edward-point-of-view-twilight-never-to-be-finished-thingie.) Yeah. I feel REALLY dorky. But it was fun- so sue me.
I found my macbeth audition monologue. And I'm memorized for Closer. And I found six other new monologues too. Productive suckas!
This volume of heroes is over, and people I really liked are "dead" or dead, I'm not sure. So I'm bugged. This season of Desperate Housewives is rockin', and Grey's is great... and the Office, though I miss watching all of them with Cathy. It isn't the same man. It isn't the same.
I love my two new scarfs.
I forgot, but once upon a time Megan Simkins and I bought panties and then went and saw John Tucker Must Die. That was a really fun day. Hahaha. I just remembered that happened. Yup.
Being in orem without Cacky is weird. Not to mention.... I miss the buddies. Well obviously. But something about it just doesn't feel quite right at this moment. Maybe its me. I've changed or- something has changed.
I have done quite a lot this semester. Made progress.... taken a few horrible steps backwards emotionally, but quite a few forwards... artistically. I hope next semester to take more steps forward. I just don't understand sometimes. Most things are going okay- great even. But there is a void where this person I really like should be. And that void kinda makes everything else... void. Hah. See what I did there?

books are good, absent plane tickets are not

Author: Shexpeare /

I love the bookstore. I have sat in Barnes and Noble and read three days in a row now. I got myself a drink, and read a bunch of plays. It feels a lot like home. I love it.
Cathy would be home today. Its 1:41 a.m. Cathy would be home today. I probably would not have been able to sleep because of the excitement. Instead I can't sleep because today feels a little like a tragedy.

haiku the sooki of all hyesookis makes me happy

Author: Shexpeare /

AND I QUOTE!: "I love all my "buddies" as Tasha calls them. They really are all my "buddies". I used to hate that word. haha. I used it as a bad word when I drove around town. I'd yell it at bad drivers, like "hey move it buddy!" But now here in Cedar it's a good word and I've started using it more because it means a lot to Tasha and I'm glad I'm her buddy. "

YAY! I LOVE YOU ROOMIE! Sorry, I know it is lame to repost- but YAY!!!!!! I just wanted everyone to see how yay this was. I love the buddies too. My shiny little rocks. Uhh... I mean, my buddies. Yes.

I was productive today.

Author: Shexpeare /

Sometimes this happens when I'm writing, but mostly when I'm texting- some stupid word I should know how to spell.... it just... it just... escapes me. What the hell? Hahahahah. No. I don't want to talk about what word it is. It was a pathetic one. I feel stupid.

Oh! And since I'm "Shexpeare" on Xbox live... I keep getting my brothers friends saying things like "YAH! Shakespeare killed five guys with one gernade!" and I keep thinking "Wow, what a twist to the end of hamlet."

It made my night, imagining Shakespeare killing zombies and such. Oh yes. What a great world we would live in....

I found five new monologues, a play that we should read on a rainy sunday (outloud, together, cuz there is 1 boy and 5 girls. Hmmm, was it made for us or what?), I read a few plays, exercised and memorized. I'm now going to go kill "boomers" and "wretches" on Gears of War 2. I'd say that is productive.

Annnnnd Tasha is back to being a good ol' asian ball of happiness.

Author: Shexpeare /

Best friend for spring break?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Could I BE anymore happy?
The answer is no. No one could be more happy than me in this moment. Happiness! THE JOY! Oh the joy. The happiness. The smiling.
Its been far too long... master kenobi! (Ugh, sorry. Star wars quote.) It has been far too long ... since I saw my besty. Now- I remember once upon a time there was this awesome thing that happened in my drive way. We reunited once. (okay, duh, like after a few weeks) It was really happy.
This is so much bigger than that. This is that moment times a million. THE JOOOOOOOOY!
There are no words. Uhhh. Okay okay- here is one.

FROLIC.

All I could do was love you hard, and let you go.

Author: Shexpeare /









Closer

Author: Shexpeare /

I was reading my blog, out of boredom, and curiosity... I have an interesting relationship with Closer. The first time I saw it was with Kristi and I came out wondering "Why?". I loved the acting, and the dialogue, and a lot of things about it. But I just didn't understand why I wasted two hours of my life with such flawed people. Unredeemable people- thats how it seemed anyway. But I couldn't stop thinking about it, and months later I said "Wow, I need to see it again." I did. And I did. Again. And Again, and... again. And now its my favorite movie. My favorite play. I've done scenes from it four different times. (Although, twice with Cathy. We revived the same scene a year later.) Many monologues. It somehow became my dream role- playing Alice.

And now I get to play her. In two months I will be playing Alice. That thought kinda boggles my mind. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to play her again, so basically this is it. I'm so excited. I can't fathom it sometimes. I'm actually going to be in Closer, with a really, really great cast and a brilliant director. I'm really lucky. Happy. And just a little scared. Great cast, Great Director, it would be hard for me to screw up. But I want to play Alice SO MUCH!! And now I get to and if its not good... well I shouldn't be thinking that.

I'm so passionate about it, and surrounded by ridiculously talented people- It has to be good. That is all there is to it.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"This is the moment of your life."

There was this huge chunk when I first came to Cedar when I didn't blog. I think it might be because I don't blog when I'm happy. I try to! But its so much easier to blog when I'm not.

"Most people don't like talking to random crazy army people in carts."

Author: Shexpeare /

I've never been to a funeral.
I only have one live grandparent- so that is a little strange. I blame distance.
Today I finally organized my room, before it was a big pile of bags and now its not. Its still really cluttered, but I can walk into my room without stepping on star wars action figures or blow dryers. I decided that besides the creepy bat vents and the smell of the bathroom, the ave is not so bad. I've already made a few memories there, and that has made it feel a little more like a home... and not just a smelly place where my T.V. looks huge because of the unique living room.
I've always wanted to be a superhero. That is all.
Lately I've been really emo. This huge emotional bag of extremities. I can't just love something, it has to be this HUGE love that no one else has ever experienced. I can't just hate something, I must send it straight to hell. And I can't just feel sad, I have to die.
EMO. Eww.
... I even like shopping at Hot Topic.
"I don't want to talk to him! I'm so emo. He can't handle my wrath."
"We should make this into a play." Apparently Meggan and I walking through Wal-Mart is play worthy. I'll give her this: I was wearing an army hat and hugging a red pillow like my life depended on it. And we were given looks- looks that I suppose were play worthy.
I can't feel calm. Jedi=Peace. I=Geek who searches for peace in ice cream but only becomes hyper enough to have an emotional break down.
I decided I'm going to be productive this Christmas break. Superhero like, and I'm going to get (in Meggan voice) CLOSER.

How Anatasha- the Halvsie, Was killed by a smelly ox.

Author: Shexpeare /

Liz thinks she has beautiful friends....one of whom is sitting right in front of her. 3:07pm
- 54 Comments

Anatasha Blakely at 3:12pm December 10
Thanks

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:12pm December 10
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! THAT'S ME!NO ANATASHA, ME! I'M THE ONE SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:12pm December 10
IT'S ME!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:12pm December 10
I know you were talking about me. And not some smelly person.

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:12pm December 10
IT'S ME!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:12pm December 10
excuse me. bitch.

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:12pm December 10
IT'S ME!

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:12pm December 10
SHUT UP TASHA! DON'T FACEBOOK SWEAR!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:13pm December 10
Liz. Answer. Who are you talking about?

Anatasha Blakely at 3:13pm December 10
I didnt facebook swore, I SWORE. Whore.

Anatasha Blakely at 3:13pm December 10
Oh, and she is talking about ME. You look like poo.

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:13pm December 10
IT'S ME!IT'S ME!SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT ME you halvsie HE-SHE!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:14pm December 10
HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT UP!!I MAY BE A HALVSIE, but i'm no HE SHE! you smelly ox!

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:14pm December 10
I'm listening to 'feed the world' from Band-aid and I'm not feeling any happy feelings, STOP LYING YOU WHORE! SHE MEANS ME!

Liz Pascoe at 3:14pm December 10
.................my friends may be beautiful, but they are so angry too

Liz Pascoe at 3:14pm December 10
bitter, silly friends, awe how i love them

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:15pm December 10
HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE! HALVSIE!

Liz Pascoe at 3:15pm December 10
fight for my love

Liz Pascoe at 3:15pm December 10
FIGHT

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:15pm December 10
k. choosing to be the bigger person here. I'm leaving

Anatasha Blakely at 3:15pm December 10
OH. My.GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH.

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:15pm December 10
LOVE YOU LIZ! Thanks for calling me beautiful...."feed the world!"

Liz Pascoe at 3:15pm December 10
this might be the most epic status comment battle ever

Anatasha Blakely at 3:15pm December 10
dont leave me here you dirty slut! FINISH THIS.Liz loves ME. Shes had your friendship, shes bored, she loves me more now.

Anatasha Blakely at 3:16pm December 10
I'm the beautiful one.Obviously.Right liz?

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:16pm December 10
SHE IS NOT BORED WITH ME! SHUT UP (*hits tasha)

Anatasha Blakely at 3:16pm December 10
BORED BORED BORED

Anatasha Blakely at 3:16pm December 10
okay. you actually hit me. that hurt.. a little.. mostly my feelings.SHUN!

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:17pm December 10
I'm leaving this.

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:17pm December 10
love you too liz. tanks

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:17pm December 10
... ...

Anatasha Blakely at 3:17pm December 10
Liz, if you ever loved me.. you will insult ellesse right now.She hit me.She deserves it.And she smells.

Liz Pascoe at 3:17pm December 10
can't we all just get along

Anatasha Blakely at 3:17pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ... Read More Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse sm

Anatasha Blakely at 3:17pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ...Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse sm

Anatasha Blakely at 3:17pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ... Read MoreEllesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse sm

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ... Read MoreEllesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse sm

Liz Pascoe at 3:18pm December 10
i'm gald we are all able to handle this like mature adults

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ... Read MoreEllesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse sm

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:18pm December 10
STOP IT!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
ELLESSE SMELLS!Well you get it now.OUCH OUCH OUCH, stopping hitting me jerk.

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:18pm December 10
MOM! LIZ!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ... Read MoreEllesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse sm

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
make me

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells ... Read More Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells

Liz Pascoe at 3:18pm December 10
38 comments?.....really? we're sick

Anatasha Blakely at 3:18pm December 10
Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse smells Ellesse Smells

Anatasha Blakely at 3:19pm December 10
sick of that smell

Anatasha Blakely at 3:19pm December 10
I AM NOT

Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:19pm December 10
TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE! TASHI'S A HALVSIE!

Anatasha Blakely at 3:19pm December 10
But you still called me Tashi, which I think is a term of endearment.

Anatasha Blakely at 3:20pm December 10
Fine. Ellesse is the beautiful one. I'm going to go kill myself now.*picks up gun*Yeah, ellesse has... pretty eyes *cries* and i'm just... *sobs* an ugly halvsie.*Shoots self*

Liz Pascoe at 3:20pm December 10
i'll just leave you two to figure this one out

Anatasha Blakely at 3:20pm December 10
*is dead*


Ellesse Hargreaves at 3:22pm December 10
bye liz. love you too, don't worry, we know who that was really for....me






No one loves a halvsie.

This one brief day, forget! Medea forgets the good things, I'll forget the bad.

Author: Shexpeare /

Moving into the ave has been... interesting. At least I didn't find bats in the tub. That was next door.

I'm really going to miss our old apartment. I LOVED it so much. And the couches, oh the couches were wonderful. I feel like I'm leaving behind my soul. Its still home. Haha. This week has been interesting. Killing Left 4 Dead zombies with Durant was awesome, and snow, and miracles. Love. All that. I'm still super emo. :)

One thing makes me smile. This huge mountain I'm climbing. I'm actually... I'm actually doing it. I've never done it before. Its a reality. Not some far off wish- I'm HERE. Cathy said she was proud of me. Thank goodness I've had her around, who knows where I would be without her. Its amazing to me... I was reading some older entries and its taken me THIS LONG. (Sometimes reading it makes me think I haven't changed a bit.) This whole blog, and LONGER to finally climb out of this huge ditch I was in. And I still haven't gotten all the way out. I was always saying "I can, I can, Today. TODAY I CAN." Today took eight years. Before I was raising my hand and slipping before I even climbed an inch. And now I'm on my way up. But its scary, because if I fall it will hurt a lot more, and... I'm afraid Satan is going to attack me now. Really hard. He is just going to pop out of nowhere and stab me in the back.

I'm waiting.

....

...

Good thing I have my lightsaber. I'm not going to screw it up. For once... I've actually arrived in this place that seemed so distant. I'm HERE.

A Christmas Miracle

Author: Shexpeare /

I had the best Christmas Eve. We did a gift exchange, and decided to have a sleep over and open them in the morning! Our own personal Christmas. A little early yes, but the spirit was there. But, instead of what I was expecting- movies, candy and much hyperness.... I got... something so much more than that.


Lets see. I've never felt so much love in my life. Coming out of me, and to me. It was ridiculously happy. A Christmas miracle if you will.
We went around in a circle and told each person something we loved about them. Hye Soo went first, Ellesse second... and by the time we got to the end of her we were all crying. And it sort of went like that for the rest of the night.
The rest of the night. We stayed up all night explaining to each other why we loved one another.
It has never felt more like Christmas. I do have one thing I would like to complain about- Cathy wasn't there. But I think she knows just how much I love her. So theres that. Anyway, it was one of the happiest nights I've had in a long time, and something we all needed. It was beautiful. Not to mention I enjoyed the little crevice I found by Jen's stairs.
I love you all so much. But I think you know that now... if you didn't before.
I think its interesting how telling each other we love one another resulted in hearing many testimonies of our savior. Somehow... somehow we couldn't explain our love without mentioning God.

You don't know the meaning of the word miss.

My mom just told me that my "alarm clock is in hawaii."
...
..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Funny because, it is true.

Acting II: The Art of Seduction with Richard Bugg.

Author: Shexpeare /

This has been one interesting semester. One of the happiest, and one of the saddest. In fact, its such a ridiculous roller coaster that all the happiness and sadness almost cancel each other out so I'm just. Neutral. Or weird or something.

I'm going to miss my acting class. I love acting II with Bugg. I seriously do. And everyone in that class has had really cool break throughs, and its just been awesome. Plus, we always attack the board with Ellesse Smells. Its been great.
*Sigh*
Well. I'll miss you.
Acting II: The Art of Seduction with Richard Bugg.

Thanksgiving. Well, its gonna be long this year.

Author: Shexpeare /

My annual things I'm thankful for on thanksgiving blog! Aww yeah!

  • Jenny Whipple. Someone who can always, always make me laugh, smile, and act like an idiot. No matter how bad of a mood I'm in Jen can make me dance weirdly with my arms and do freaky voices. Whether its her telling me a joke, or laughing at my stupid antics (Poopity Poo)... doesn't matter. She always makes me feel better. Plus, she is a hiding place from people who invade my apartment. (Which includes no one on this list by the way.) Jen also comes with a great christmas morning space, a cute smile and a crazy awesome boyfriend. $99.99....uhhh I mean she isn't for sale.
  • Speaking of Jen's boyfriend, Rhett GUTER!!!! Believe it or not Rhett is actually a huge inspiration to me. There have been several times when we have talked about acting over the years and everytime I talk to him I find myself with a really grand desire to WORK HARDER. I went from hardly any work, to working my butt off. And its all because I watched him work his bubble butt off until he literally spontaneously combusted. Jen put him back together. I hope to spontaneously combust one day too. I might be too lazy for that... well.. I AM too lazy for that. But Rhett has made me a little less lazy everytime I see him. Hope we can act together more.
  • Trevor and Chloe. There aren't many words. I appreciate them, their humor, and seeing them makes me really happy. Four star bitch sucka what!
  • Kristen. My little wisp. Always there when I need a hug, and pops into my room at perfect ranting moments. Doesn't ever look at me like I'm crazy. Recent happiness- when Katie came over and we were wearing ninja turtle masks and playing with guns. (That sounds awful.) She just commits fully. I could tell her right now we are spies, COMMITS! winged dwarfs, COMMITS! juvenile delinquents, COMMITS! A ridiculously fun play mate. A trustworthy and honorable friend. Who wouldn't hug her? Done and done.
  • Kaitlin. Kaitlin makes me feel like GOLD. I know that sounds weird but everytime I talk to her, or we just smile at each other, I feel like I'm worth something. Its hard to explain. I love the way we connect when we talk. I love our similar passions. I love teaching her to play video games (no longer necessary, you bad ass) and dressing up like spies. I love how excited she gets about things like making me a scarf. I LOVE THAT SHE JUST GOES AROUND MAKING PEOPLE SCARFS. I love ginny, that blood traitor.
  • Kristen and Kaitlin. Yup. Together. Disneyland+Alias= One awesome ride.
  • Our acting class. (So many people. I thought I'd mention a thing.) I love our acting class. Bugg has helped me so much. That class has been a relief. I have a bad day! OOP! I get to go to acting class with people I love and do something I love. With a professor I've really come to love and respect. And I get to write Ellesse Smells on the board. RELIEF. :) That isn't even mentioning crazy therapy days.
  • Payden. Makes me laugh, brings out my dirty mouth, and has experienced ballroom craziness we shall never speak of. I love him.
  • All my box office folk. They are down right respectable. Dealing with smelly old people all day. And freaky people who yell about Brian Vaughn. Uhh, pretty sure they are respectable. And fun.
  • Chase. Thank goodness. Someone who thinks I can make terrorists see reason. And see that poker is a better way to spend their time. Hahaha.
  • Sousa. Adventures. Video games. Making our own sims. The rough riders. Can't wait for a return.
  • Cam. Things he taught me. Value in theatre. Knowing I could try anything, and fail, happily.
  • Video games. Thanksgiving means food, and video games with my brothers. Video games may seem pointless to some, but its moments where Meggan is singing on rockband after we have all had dinner together, or Alex Ellesse and I beat castle crashers that make me remember why I love them. Its all about WHO you play with. And the ones I play by myself usually have amazing story lines. Its just another story telling device. LOVE IT. This year I'm killing zombies on Left 4 Dead which is AWESOME. SO FREAKING AWESOME. This game was meant for me. A co op zombie killing game with a really cool girl named zoey who looks like claire on resident evil. ON IT!
  • Susan. And I guess that guy she is always with who looks like Snape.
  • Hogwarts Day.
  • Hye Soo. My roomie and asian sista. Hye dizzle has always been a reliable friend to me. Someone I can rant to about anything, and laugh with... about... anything. Because wow, sometimes we laugh are really REALLY stupid things. She curls my hair. We talk til four in the morning about boys. And I dont really do that with anyone... because that would normally make me feel awkward. HAHAH. A great roommate (not because she does the dishes, but because she is nice to have around you know?). A great friend. And don't even get me started on how much I LOVE performing with her. I always feel like we connect onstage, and doing improv with her is so easy because we just seem to know each other so well. We step onstage and its like we are one brain. SWEEEEET.
  • My family. My parents are awesome. Always supportive. Concerned, but they hear me out. Like about Closer- they were concerned but they trusted me enough to pray and make my own decisions. Thats called good parenting. I LOVE my family SO MUCH. And I'll always love Orem. It has such a big part of me.
  • Alex. The bum. Cedric. The weird david bowie look alike. He is a man of many faces. Something I love about him. But more than just being that fun kid who dresses up... he is strong. He is going to grow into a really great husband and father. (If he doesn't die because of terrible driving first.) I treasure the moments he has confided in me. I'll always love the night of the seagull, and I'll always love how close we felt that night. He is someone I really love having around. He makes me feel comfortable, and at home. Plus, he sings one hell of a heathcliff.
  • Carrie Colton. Always. Knows. What. To. Say. Tasha: "I miss Cathy." Carrie: "I miss Cathy too! *starts crying and hugs Tasha*" ... yeah. Thats all I really needed. :) Carrie is there when I need to be reminded that I can act, and when I need serious ranting about socialism.
  • Shani has the best sense of humor in the world. A great laugh, a cool best friend. She is so easy going, which for someone like me who is not easy going- well its nice to have around. Calms me down. Besides, I don't know anyone who doesn't think Shani is just freaking cool.
  • Ellesse. Smells.
  • ....... Okay okay. For real though. Ellesse. Ellesse. Hmm. Ellesse has kinda caught me at a weird time. But she did. Catch me. But I'll always be thankful for her patience. She has seen me be cruel, ridiculously immature, and downright stupid. But she still loves me. She believes in my ability to better myself, and my ability to stand on my own two feet. I feel like I have one foot a lot. But she reminds me I'm just holding up my leg. :) A fun, witty, FREAKISHLY TALENTED GIRL. She comes with Facing East, and Hogwarts Day. She has been a tender mercy. And I love... that I can so easily love her. She is Christ like and beautiful. And so freaking funny. Its awesome. UH HUH!
  • Chelsea Call. Whenever she is around I feel this huge burden lifted off my shoulders. A good quality to have. She is adorable, and genuine, and so easy to get along with. So easy to get to know. I love watching Ellesse and Chelsea interact. They are fun. Chelsea has just been really great to me. I don't think she knows HOW great she is, how much I really appreciate her. She is my new buddy, and I love her.
  • Shakespeare.
  • Off the Cuff. Improv in general. Let me say more specificly that I'm thankful for Wendy, Tj, Chris and Rev. I wanted to do improv. I really, really did. I watched, enjoyed, but was too scared. But they poked me. Pushed me. Told me I could, and SHOULD do it. They made me believe in myself, and gave me enough courage to stand up, with nothing, and just go at it. They are an inspiration. I watch them, doing what they love.. because... they CAN. They didn't ask for anyones permission. They just DO IT. And they are all brilliant, talented, and I hope I can be that great one day.
  • Kenzie for being adorable and talented. For giving me one of her roses. For playing music that makes me cry.
  • Meggan. Gosh. I love Meggan for loving me. Is that selfish? I love having her around because I feel love coming from her. Not just at me, but at everyone. She has so much light and insight. I LOVE watching movies with Meggan. Closer, The Shape of Things... she has a brilliant mind. She is a great director, a constant missionary, and a huge support when I needed it. A freaking awesome stage combat partner. And a fun zombie hunter. She made the perfect hermione (HES ONE OF THE BEST BOYS I KNOW! HHAHA). I hope she will be my Tim Burton. Get on that Meggan, oh wait, we already are. She makes my dreams come true. :)
  • Star Wars. Duels. And Scott Brazee.
  • Stories. Movies. Good Acting.
  • Tara. My dear pez friend. Everytime I talk to her, call her, play video games with her. I smile. I laugh. And I trust her. I love having her in my life. She is an amazing person, mother, neighbor. Fun, and happy, and loving. And she is great at donkey kong. So yeah, I love her.
  • Music. Yikes. Thats a big one.
  • My awesome apartment, while it lasted.
  • Wuthering Heights, for being above normal music. Sounds like UH HUH. And OH MY GOSH. And What the eff.
  • God. The gospel. There aren't words.
  • Cathy Miner. Cacky Stinky. My bestest of all friends. She is my other half. We were probably suppose to be twins. But I bet I decided I wanted to be a ninja, but she thought that was a silly idea and wanted to be a blondie. So we split up, knowing we could easily find our sister in this big world. Hehe. I truly hate being without her. I miss her so much everyday. But there is a part of me that knows its good that I'm learning to deal with things on my own. And in the end, this is only making our friendship stronger. I had a pretty perfect childhood. Happy. Innocent. And the moment my life got hard, the moment I had to grow up and deal Heavenly Father sent me my best friend. To stand by me. To help me. To pull me up when I had nothing left in me. Cathy in a lot of ways, means home. She is only person I know who I'm completely myself around. There is no worries about how to act, or what to say. There is only myself. She knows exactly who I am. And loves me. Despite the ugliness. And because of goodness that only she gets to see. I LOVE her for that. She is passionate. Has an amazing testimony. HUGE strength. Enough for the both of us. And the best sense of humor. A ridiculously hard worker. (Heck, I get better grades when she is around.) I love how trustworthy she is. We are always honest with each other. And when I really need it, she puts me before herself. More than anyone I know she is capable of putting others needs before herself. Without recognition. They will never know the thought crossed her mind, because she will sacrifice herself to give them something, and they will never even know it. She doesn't look for anything in return. She just does it. Best hugger in the world. Great opinions about acting and movies. (Ha... probably because she shares mine. HAHA) Kick lines. Frauds. Cathy Doobie Sandwiches. Elves. Musical goodness. An amazing love for art. I really could go on forever. I really could. So I'll just say that I love Cathy Miner. She will always be my best friend. My sister. And my favorite person in this world. Take that Natalie Portman. (Whew, a huge blow to her ego.)
  • And a lot of people who are hardly in my life anymore- but should be.

IT IS YOUR... DESTINY!

Author: Shexpeare /




Scott Brazee came to Cedar last night. Meggan turned on the tv and flipped passed channels until I happened upon Revenge of the Sith. Chelsea told me she wanted Cameron to see my lightsaber, so I put on my Jedi costume and brought out my lightsaber. I then decided it was probably a good idea to leave it on and show Scott when he got there. There was a knock at the door.
I turned off the light, opened the door and turned on my lightsaber.
And for the first time in my life.... the person on the other side of the door also. turned. on. a. lightsaber.
The force... it was our destiny.

Yeah. So how awesome is that! I just happened to have my lightsaber, and scott just happened to have his on the other side of the door.It was the MOMENT OF MY LIFE. It was epic. Then, naturally, we dueled.


Scott:I packed my car tuesday morning preparing for my five day stay in cedar city. I made sure that my new dueling lights saber was tucked safely under my back seat. On the drive up i was sad to find out that there would be no one home to show my lightsaber,then Anatasha Blakley texted me. If anyone would appreciate my light saber it would be Tasha. When i arrived at her apartment i gripped my saber in aticipation,little did i know she was prepared....

We dueled. And Meggan and I dueled. Suffice to say I was really really excited?!

Strip Speed

Author: Shexpeare /

Have you ever walked in on people playing strip poker speed.
 Well I have.
*Giggles*

Romilda Smells

Author: Shexpeare /



I LOVE PANSY!

I miss being pansy! What a snob.

Hogwarts day was so freaking amazing. There are no words. It makes every other day seem boring! Thank goodness Ellesse ... *clears throat* Romilda was born. GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

Fighting with Hermione, and loving Draco. Meeting the whole Weasley gang. No old Harry Potter in sight.

It was just so beautiful. And the amount of people who dressed up was, RIDICULOUSLY COOL! Not to mention we have the greatest professors ever. Anthony and Rick deserve metals.

I will never forget the wonderful defense against the dark arts class (stage combat) and going to hogsmeade... (the pub).

So beautiful. Thank you all for dressing up! And thank you Ellesse for taking us to a magical world for a day! Romilda smells!

*Sigh* I wish.. I WISH I WENT TO HOGWARTS.

It's that big.

Author: Shexpeare /

You've got all eternity to get it right. One step at a time.

There is this void in my life, where my best friend should be.

It leaves me feeling.... very unlike myself.

One of my favorite things about Cathy is sharing theatre with her. She is missing Facing East. Something we would have loved to discuss. Bah.

I feel like I'm going to explode today. I have so much in me that wants to be let out.... and no one to go to.

Facing East

Author: Shexpeare /

What a great opening night!
I'm going to see it every night, I already have my tickets. Call me crazy if you will... you'll understand the moment you see it.
I will never forget the look on their faces. To my left, Kaitlin and Payden. To my right, Chloe and Trevor. And Hye Soo, Kristen, and Alex turn around towards me. Then Chelsea. It was an awakening.
I will never forget that look. Everyone had the same face last night.
Congrats Ellesse. We're with you.

Opps! I forgot my pants!
...
AWW! BRIDGET!!!

They were all dead. The final gunshot was an exclamation mark to everything that had led to this point.

Author: Shexpeare /

Lately I've been sick. I've been coughing up a lung! (though I'm not sure which one...) I try to sleep, and end up coughing so much that I can't. Which probably causes me to be sicker because I'm not getting sleep, or really eating well for that matter. This last week has been a nightmare and that also has probably made the sickness stronger. This is not disney aids either. I see no good outcome, no happy pirates water, just coughing up organs. I hardly would sleep anyway. I love staying up late.

Yesterday was nice. Meggan made everyone dinner. (God bless her.) It was amazing. Kaitlin made bread.. Kristen made cinnamon rolls. I looked around. It was just happiness you know? And we played Rock Band. Which is awesome! I've always known it was awesome, but having people sing was so much fun. I've never had people sing before. I'm going to have to go ahead and buy drums. I can't decide who my favorite singer is. They were all so good. Meggan is a classic, Kristen... is just plain AMAZING. Ellesse made me pee a little and Alex is... well... really energetic????? We made some awesome characters too. @, Kookame...x, The Doctor, and Reggie. I love Smellesse. Best. Band. Ever.

Rock band=Great. Everything else about last night=.... sheesh. Where are the words? There are no words.

It boggles my mind how sometimes I can ruin things so completely. No matter what ends up happening, all I can think is that yeah- I did this. I made the mistakes and the consequences are finally catching up to me. God tried to warn me, and I still ruined it. I hate myself for that. What makes it worse is that the only two people in cedar who I think could have made me feel better... I was horrible to. I don't deserve their friendship. What kind of idiot am I? I've been so horrible to Ellesse. I'm just throwing that out there. Just being honest. Makes me look at myself differently, thats for sure. I mean, what kind of person can be mean to her of all people? She is undeserving of that kind of treatment. In every single way. I am sorry. But what good are words when your actions are less noble?

Well. I miss cathy. More than words can wield the matter. Haha, she hates it when I quote that line from King Lear, because I love it and use it far too often. But out of context its beautiful. If I could go back in time- I would tell myself to, uh, not be an idiot. Is that too rude? I think I might have listened. If I knew what I knew now. I would go back to right before we did beauty and the beast at my high school. And I would tell myself to stop. being. selfish.
Okay okay, to conclude. Selfish. Unfair to Cathy. Horrible to Ellesse. But at least I'm good at Rock Band. I'm quite exceptional at guitar hero too. So I should be a hermit and play video games and nothing else for the rest of my life. Tasha may or may not be a life ruiner. So instead I'll just be a zombie. Better to be a shell than selfish.

"Its like staring into the grave of your love."

Author: Shexpeare /

This is the third time you have made one of my "irrational nightmares" a reality.
You'd think I would learn to expect it by now. But each time I say to myself "Well, there it was. That is the worst. There is no way that my next nightmare (which is far worse) will ever become a reality. That is as far as it can go."
Well thank you so freaking much for proving me wrong all the time. Keeps me on my toes I guess.
It is so funny. I had a dream, I've talked about it a lot in the past, but thats because every piece of that dream has become a reality. EVERY LITTLE THING HAS COME TO PASS.
I'm a seer. Seriously. A jedi. A VISIONARY. Give me something special for being special. I have a power I suppose.

I'd like now to mention that I thought of Max Payne this morning. Not about the stupid horrible movie that needs to stop existing in the world- but the really great game. It is so beautiful, and I loved it so much...


B*witched- OH. MY. GOOOOOSH.

Author: Shexpeare /

BEFORE:



I AM FREAKING OUT. IN A good way... uhfdhsahfdhsafdkjskk....

Okay. You don't even understand. Beginning in the fifth grade, and NEVER ending, because look at me now, I was obsessed with B*witched. Now most of you remember that song C'est La Vie. No nonono... it was so much more than that. Irish wonderful role models.

Anyway. Shani began singing blame it on the weather man and I joined in and we realized we are both obsessed. I LOVE US. I LOVE THEM. I love the twins. The secret is out. So... we might as well share that we found out the twins, keavy and edele, who we love, are totally.. Ms Lynch. A new... little twin band of awesomeness.

Take it shani

Shani: Dreams really do come true. Thank you for sharing this moment and this obsession with me, dear buddy. This is the beginning of something truly great.
Tasha: THANKS SHANI!

Anyway, I know its SO Freaking dorky... but YAY!

Could life get any better right now?

Well, the fact that we just admitted to an embarassing obsession... I guess we are stupid, but we are just so happy! I feel like a little kid! I LOVE KEAVY..... *sigh*
Yeah. Diet coke.

AFTER:




Besides that. There are no words.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Ellesse Did Not Smell

Author: Shexpeare /

Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells Ellesse Smells.



I watched Facing East's rehearsal yesterday. I cried. A lot. In the best way possible. It was FREAKING AWESOME.
...and... Ellesse Did Not Smell.

Bee ba da boo ba da.... take care of the family Joey. Mario's addicted to cocaine.

Author: Shexpeare /

This Halloween felt more like Halloween than.... any Halloween has... for... years.
It was great.
We watched 1-2 scary movies a night this entire week. (The Rope, which I didn't see. Whores. Scotland Pa., which though I fell asleep during, I still enjoyed. The Ring, which isn't really how I remembered it. The Descent, FREAKING AWESOME. I dare you to get me started on the great relationships and every kind of scary thats in it. What Lies Beneath, which I fell asleep during, but gosh its so great. The Skeleton Key, which I fell asleep during. Sleepy Hallow, which I fell asleep during. Nightmare Before Christmas... which.. I fell... asleep... during. Okay, I hardly ever stay awake. *shoots self* But it was still great, and the feeling was there.) Usually when I watched so many horror movies I feel yucky and... yucky... and... ucky.. mucky... you know what I mean? But with all the great friends around and stuff it just felt really happy.
Screaming into a pillow, and watching everyone else freak out during the descent was a moment for the history books. Not to mention when I banged on the window and Ellesse attacked everyone... and Alex kicked her in the head. Carrie crawled into a little ball and died. Best. Day. Ever. Meggan pacing. Hye Soo covering her eyes. Alex letting out odd screams. Beth getting hit in the neck by Juno and blood squirti- I'm getting off track.
Hye soo and I were Mario and Luigi. Kristen was Princess Peach.
I mean... we won 2nd place in a costume contest.
Annnnd jumped around to Jen's noises.
Ellesse was going to Hogwarts, made Ron fall in love with her, and he cast a spell that made her a leper. Suffice to say we had to kill him. Once we did her skin peeled off and she was healthy. I appreciate that. Smelling is bad enough.
I'm fairly certain this was one of the best Halloweens... EVER. I shall be using said formula to create grand Halloweens for the rest of my life. I hope. Part of said formula requires good company.

Luigi is sort of a pervert. *sigh*

I'm a puppy.

I miss my best friend.
Its like she lives in never-never-land. I feel like she is off in this place that doesn't even exist. (Check our her mermaid pictures.)
I am fine. Yeah. Fine. I can stand on my own two feet, all that crap. I'll survive. It still sucks.

........
SUCKS.

Being at home use to be so easy. But now its so hard.

Because... Cedar City feels like my home now.

There are dinner jackets and dinner jackets; this is the latter. There are bond movies and bond movies, this is the latter.

Author: Shexpeare /

I'm fairly certain that in the past I've blogged about how much I love Casino Royale.
Well.
A lot.
I've always loved James Bond a great deal, but Daniel Craig did for James Bond movies what Christian Bale did for Batman movies. Saved its soul you know? Casino Royale= Macbeth allusions. Die Another Day=Raunchy sex+Halle Berry not believing in her own world, and proof she should stay away from awesome action franchises. Like x-men. Oh yeah, and what was with that "Yes, I'm actually ASIAN" guy in a transformer suit.

I did love goldeneye (Aww yeah), but it seemed like the last few Pierce Brosnan... well, it makes Casino look like Shakespeare compared to...  that which must not be named. ("I am not fit to raise this child." All that.)
And I really can't even begin to describe to you the excitement I have for the new James Bond movie. I haven't been this excited for a movie since star wars. THAT is saying something. I'm excited. I'm afraid. I mean, what if its not as good. Daniel Craig is amazing. But I most certainly had a soft spot for the best bond girl ever. Vesper, doubtful that she can be topped. All I ask is that her presence is there. His broken heart, her presence, it has to be there or I'll die.
Yup.
Die.

Fall list...


I carved a pumpkin. Sorta. I mean. I threw it. Thats carving it.
I have a luigi hat and gloves so far.
I've written the missionary but not sent the letter. Getting there.
I bought two great jackets.
Awww yeah.

I finger painted... a blood... thingy. Also I'm a geisha. Or white. Hard to say.

Author: Shexpeare /




I have disney aids.
I know I know I know. I'm stupid. YET-... not stupid. BECAUSE I HAVE DISNEY in me FOREVER.
Ellesse went to disneyland recently, and filled up a water bottle with pirates of the carribbean water.
....
She may or may not have had a sip and gotten really sick. Alex and I may or may not have thought that was a freakishly cool idea.. you know, having a piece of disneyland in you forever and done the same.

And felt.. sick.
...
The way I see it, the bad is battling the disney goodness, and once disney wins out I'll be happy forever. And no, I don't regret drinking the water. Totally worth it.
I did some interesting finger paintings with Chelsea, Ellesse and Alex, and then we all slept in my bed. Not to mention the amazingly pink comfy cart Chelsea and I created. We are cool.
It was sweet, and a really happy night. And Alex read the poo
 book, which makes me want to shoot myself, but now when I poo I can't help but laugh. Perhaps I should keep that to myself.
I'm really excited to see Facing East.
Ellesse's blog made me think. Yeah, we ARE going to create opportunities for ourselves.
We are. And its going to be the greatest thing we've ever done. You can't make them let us act, but, heck, we can just stand up and do it on our own.

The shape of things was one of the coolest movies I've seen in a really long time. Especially of that genre. I can't stop thinking about it. Mind=Boggled. Heart=Hurty... in that good... "ooo art" sorta way.
 
OH OH OH! AND! We had a ridiculously EPIC BATTLE in stage combat. I mean, we were facing each other, banging out sticks into the ground... people were growling, it was lord of the rings, and we CHARGED. I certainly felt like I was in a war. And now I want to be in action movies. Speaking of movies, we did this little tiny (so tiny it barely existed) film section in acting II. Uhh, awesome. Uhh, no.. I mean... I want a camera... so I can do it... with every scene ever.




Writing Ellesse Smells everywhere is the highlight... of my life. You may think that is pathetic but I PROMISE it will be the highlight of your life if you start. There is no stopping. Its a most addictive drug. I write it everywhere. If you see it, it means I had a moment of weakness. I took the writing utensil in my hand and gave in.
There is no quiting now.

It is too lifelike.

They don't like the shape of it.

I'm not justifying anything, I'm just saying. I'm not saying anything.

Author: Shexpeare /

Alex and I did our Acting II scene yesterday in Carrie and Shani's apartment.
You know, in the space, without blocking, or ever really doing it before. I'll tell you what. I really enjoyed doing a scene... without having to worry about the audience. Their prospective, projecting... all that crap. 3D MAN! Its as if... we had a ridiculously elaborate set!

It. Felt. Awesome.
It was just Alice and Dan. In a room. Talking. I'm fairly certain I've never done a scene like that before, but I'll tell you what! I'm doing it far more often.
Also, Ellesse, Carrie and Kristen were a great- Audience isn't the right word.

I don't feel so dark and twisty anymore. The suitcase and hall can wait.

Author: Shexpeare /

I remember the first night I played Castle Crashers with Alex and Ellesse.
Awesome night. Really, really brought us together.
...
Beating it?
Oh, that brought us together so much more.
Who knew I could feel so peaceful in a Wal-Mart?
Well, whatever. The point is, sometimes you look back at a moment after its settled. If you knew just how far you would come from the beginning of Castle Crashers to the end.. with all the broken xbox in between, well...
maybe you wouldn't mind being without your xbox for a few weeks.
Let it be written: After that night they became an unstoppable force.

Sometimes God needs to give you a kick in the rear.

Okay okay, I'm off my butt.

My Own October To Do List

Author: Shexpeare /

Thank you Jessy:



Carve a pumpkin.
Dress up like Luigi.
Write missionaries: I've been so bad lately.
Let go.
Buy a great jacket.

It is amazing to me the kind of power a secret can hold over people.  What you are willing to do to keep it, and the freedom that comes with revealing yourself to someone. The difference between now and then is staggering. Because I share everything with cathy, I feel like secrets no longer have power over me. And with each person I tell it relieves me of some burden. Pretty cool.


Here is a secret that isn't really a secret. I think morgan freeman is a boring actor.
FREEEEEDOOOOM.

Pff, Kate BeckinWHAT????? I should be Bastila despite the fact I'm asian- I mean, Uh, I... *force push* I have no idea what you're talking about.

Author: Shexpeare /


Stage combat is an awesome class. With the staff (double bladed lightsaber) I most certainly feel like a jedi.
Bastila Shan to be more precise. I honestly want to do a little "The Force Fights With Me!" scene.
With Malak. Or Revan. I'm doing it. I have to.
Playing a zombie, and a jedi in stage combat would be too much awesominity to handle. So many dream roles being pursued this year.
Zombie.
Jedi.
*Coughs* Alice. 


I also had a wonderful epiphany in acting II today. Nothing I haven't heard before, but you know how sometimes it just clicks better the tenth time. That happened. I love that feeling. Getting over little bumps in my way. Improving, I like that.

 
This blog is just a little bit stupid. Things are going well in school is all I'm saying... I guess. I really miss my bestest of all friends, Ms. Catherine. But I'm okay.
Night of Shakespeare is happening Nov. 13th. That is very exciting. Awesome people, awesome scenes.
Lysistrata is over. But I appreciate the little family it has provided me with. I love them. Dearly. And I feel like they will stick around.

Pooping Deer Trainer/ All it does is find food. Lame.

Author: Shexpeare /


I freaking LOVE this game. Its hilarious, simple, and the gameplay is freakishly amazing.
I really love it when Ellesse sings along with the (really awesome) music. So funny. Its never not funny.
Hye Soo, Adan, Rev and I had a game going which we finished. (Well, hye soo needs to play more) But now Ellesse and Alex are in the middle of a game with me.
ELLESSE!! HURRY! GET OFF THE CAMEL! ITS A ZEBRA!! HURRY!!!
I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
Hahaha.
It makes me happy.

I'm sorta miss the whore hall.
No, I was not a prostitute in a previous life.
I just mean, the drama room, the auditorium, make up room, costume room, props... thats the whore hall. All that.
And I miss the people in it.
I love college. A lot, but I wish I could just visit the past for a week and see my boys. Its just crazy that I haven't seen them in a year.
Blah.
David Bailey will get you.
Don't get aids in inappropriate ways.
Corinne writes with her boobs.
Looooovvveee them.

Suddenly I'm not so young.


Bear with you, you're hungry for revenge? Bear THIS! *punches marge's face*

Author: Shexpeare /

Well.
I'm a Classical Acting Major.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love the sound of that.
I really like all of my acting classes right now. Acting II is awesome. I love everyone in my class, not to mention we had a cry-fest last class. Basically Bugg is awesome. And I'm so excited. Sham's Shakespeare class... with the whole... we are doing R&J and then As You Like It... Well I'm down with that.
Then stage combat. Swords=Yes. My awesome ninja clothes=Yes. And doing a bunch of scenes with Grawrock and Ellesse from Star Wars= I SAY YES TO THAT! :)


Did I mention that I predicted who would make the BFA? Yeah, I was like 95% accurate. That 5%... darn it.

Yay for the BFA!!

Ice cream time!
(Thank goodness it is HAPPY ice cream time!)

The Second To Last First Day Of School?!

Author: Shexpeare /

Alas ... school has started!
In the wee hours of the night (meaning midnight) my roomies and I were still awake. And now I realize how stupid even midnight is because I'm freaking tired.
Its ridiculous. But the first day of school went pretty well. I'm not sure if these are false predictions, but I think I'm going to like most of my classes a lot.
BFA auditions existed in my life yesterday. Those were interesting.
I think this semester is going to go okay. As far as academics anyway.

This was perhaps my second to last first day of school ever.
Thats WEIRD.
I remember in elementary school especially (but even now) the first day of school was about new school supplies, and school clothes.
Meeting the new teacher(s) and in some cases, being scared of them. A classroom full of familiar and unfamiliar faces.
Each new year brought a thousand memories I can't remember, and a few I can.
And this year will bring the same.
Many good, many bad. Most not remembered. And now will be no different. I hope.
And its close to my last.

Dear Alias Fans 2

Author: Shexpeare /


Since I'm a loser, I thought I might as well share the love.

Ummm... Guys...
Who's Rambaldi?
I say yes to this photo.


So geeky, I should be shot in the face with a large laser blaster. Thats the geek way to go.

Author: Shexpeare /

Perhaps I am the geekiest geek of them all.
*Ahem* Or perhaps I know far too much about the geek world.
Before I tell you this story, I'm going to mention a very geeky thing. Fanfiction.
For those of you who don't know what fanfiction is....
Urban Dictionary:
"A piece of fiction within a fandom utilizing characters and situations from a pre-existing work including (but not limited to) books, television programs, films, and comic strips. "
So basically, some nerd writes a small story about Harry Potter.
It gets worse.
Slash...
Urban Dictionary:
"Genre of fanfiction involving pairing two male or female characters together"
So... some nerd writes a small story about... Harry Potter... in love with Draco Malfoy. Yay for gay!
Anyway, I was on the phone at work, and this guy called and asked me "Is Two Gentlemen of Verona a tragedy, comedy, or romance."
I answered him:
"It is a Comedy Slash Romance."
Well, suffice to say I burst into fits of laughter and had to put him on hold.
No one thought this was funny, because no one was geeky enough to get the reference.
People keep calling thinking that Two Gents is about gay lovers, because of this photo:
And this photo, you can call them crazy if you want... I think they are onto something. With... the slash....


I'm going to geek hell.

I'm Desperate.

Author: Shexpeare /


Took a quiz. I'm totally Lynette.
Awww yeah.

You too should take this short quiz.
http://abc.go.com/primetime/desperate/index?pn=quiz

Dear Alias Fans....

Author: Shexpeare /

Its all in the wrist Syd....

Author: Shexpeare /

I just remembered something hilarious! 

Back when I watched Alias in Jr. High... I loved playing NHL Hitz. Well, I created a team called "Nexus" and named all the team members after Alias characters. Vaughn... Tippin... and Sydney Bristow was the goalie.
....
HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Wow. 
I mean, that seems pretty bizarre, but Vaughn LOVES hockey. So its not so weird. :)

Thank you september, You are speaking my mind!

Author: Shexpeare /

I'm grasping at straws here people....
or grasping at nothing really.
Just air. Nothing to hold on to.
Its going.
We shall see how I manage by myself.
I suppose I'll just play lots of video games when cathy lives in hawaii. Hahahahaha.
Hey, Soul Calibur brings great joy to my heart. At least, it did. I think the new one can too. I remember when we all had different characters we were. Awwwwesome. Hahaha. For the most part, there we all are. Although I was assasin, and he isn't really ... real. Hah. There is asay being a creepy raper man Voldo. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Poor asay.

Well, I'm not sure I can handle myself right now. I'm like a ticking clock, just waiting to.... okay okay. I think shakespeare will be handy in this situation. Forget the ticking clock.
"My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,

Or else my heart concealing it will break"

There.

For Shani

Author: Shexpeare /



I'm clearly a geek.

Author: Shexpeare /


Eh, the new movie will probably be bad... but uhh... I know I'll still love it.

Author: Shexpeare /

I just watched the old Return of the Jedi trailer.
It was so funny.
It started out well... an old guy saying

RETURN OF THE JEDI!!!
Hahahahaha.
The best part was when the old guy said dramatic
ally "The cunning of the enemy!" And it cut to C-3PO falling off the sail barge.
...
..
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure Clone Wars isn't going to be very good, but I'm still WAY excited.

If a fly and a human love each other, where will they live?

Author: Shexpeare /

Its an epic love story.
We are sitting in the box office. 

And a fly attacks me. It doesn't just fly around minding its own business like a normal fly. It attacks, not once, not twice, but countless times! It tries to go incognito in my hair... luckily hye soo has my back. We think it leaves to attack J-Dog and Grant, but no, it flies back through the small hole in the window to, kill or woo me yet again. It won't leave me alone, and then, another larger fly comes to its support.
I kill the larger fly, and the little one gets away.
Dare he try again? I will MURDER him.
Grrrrrrrr......
P.S. Hye Soo and I screaming bloody murder and flailing our arms is quite a site to see... especially for patrons. 
:)