Author: Shexpeare /

Jainbfdsjkal;oifhdsna. You're gay. You're so cool. I know. Don't don't... I'm typing our conversation. Why. I dunno. It's I don't know not I dunno. Who cares It's on the computer, no one cares on the internet. You are talking as fast as you type.I was talking as fast as I type because I didn't 3wa3nt to type faster than that. You talk as fast as you type thats cool. Don't do that. You're lame. Just kidding. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Are you really going to send this. You mean blog it. Yeah I am. I don't know why. Just because its funny. WE need to play poker. We need to.......... call shamae. I did. She wasnt tehre. YOu were sitting next to me.


Author: Shexpeare /

Panda panda panda panda panda killer whale panda panda panda leemer panda panda baby seal panda panda panda panda panda panda panda panda panda panda killer whale panda panda panda.....

sew myself shut

Author: Shexpeare /

Have you ever ignored something, to the point where you almost believed it wasn't there anymore.....

And part of you wished it would come back, but it would seem out of place if it did. Almost as if it wasn't there in the first place.

It feels like it has always been this way, but a tiny part inside me knows something different. But it rarely came out tonight, and I rarely noticed.

I don't want something different.
But I want something different.

I'm confused. You can have both, but neither in completion. So you know what will happen. The new part and old part of you will combine and eventually it will be one life, and one way. But that tiny part will always come back and bother you. Because as much as you ignore it, there is always a little voice there, telling you it happened.
Things were different. Not suppose to be like that..... but it was okay! At the same time though it was completely ridiculously not.

It isn't my fault is it? Oh well. If you wanted it back- You'll never get it. It won't ever be back.


Author: Shexpeare /

Now I'm full of guilt and shame
I can't point a finger cause theres no one to blame
So I say I'll never do it again
But when the sun goes down, you are my only friend
I'm thinking I am starting to see
I have become everything I never wanted to be
I'm really getting sick of myself
Cause when I look into the mirror, I see somebody else

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness, I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
I feel irrational, so confrontational
It isn't possible
To ever tell the truth

You make my life completely miserable
But I've always loved you cause your oh so special
I'm broken and I'm alone and I can't maintain

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand

watch it all dissolve around you

Author: Shexpeare /

My conversations get saved on my computer- and I found this. This was like.... last year before school ended. Hehe.

calicocarrot: ::huggles::
calicocarrot: I love you too
calicocarrot: hey, do you have a color preference in the cape area?
fhqwgadsTurkey: Wow. I said it 21 times and it still means more coming from you once. ::cries::
NO! ::cries::
calicocarrot: 21 eh
fhqwgadsTurkey: ... Are you really going to make me a cape?
calicocarrot: yup
calicocarrot: I am
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::explodes::
calicocarrot: woah
calicocarrot: ::picks up tasha pieces and tries to put her back together::
calicocarrot: crap, this is going to take a while
calicocarrot: ::jeopardy music begins playing::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::kristi finds tasha's head rolling down a hill towards a pond::
calicocarrot: uh oh
fhqwgadsTurkey: FISHEYS!!! Big fish!
calicocarrot: why is there a hill and pond in tasha's room?
calicocarrot: ::chases the head::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::stops self with teeth and grass::
Kristi. I'm a superhero, there is EVERYTHING in my room.
calicocarrot: lol
calicocarrot: ::puts tasha back together and then steps back to see if anymore pieces are missing::
calicocarrot: you ok?
fhqwgadsTurkey: Kristi.. I'm missing something...
calicocarrot: what
calicocarrot: ::looks around::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::whispers::Embarassing eh? Don't tell anyone.
calicocarrot: ok
fhqwgadsTurkey: Lets find...IT.
calicocarrot: uh oh
calicocarrot: you can do that
fhqwgadsTurkey: Okay. I'm done. All here.
fhqwgadsTurkey: How many I LOVE YOUs was that.
calicocarrot: ok good
calicocarrot: um
calicocarrot: let's count
calicocarrot: 25
calicocarrot: I think...
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::almost explodes again but realizes what self is doing and contains self::
calicocarrot: :-)
fhqwgadsTurkey: The love, is flowing.
calicocarrot: ::huggles::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::huggles:: Oh wait, I thought we were stuck together this whole time?
calicocarrot: oh yah
calicocarrot: lol
calicocarrot: in spirit
calicocarrot: or maybe we have very bendy stretchy arms
calicocarrot: ...
fhqwgadsTurkey: Cool, we are permanantly stuck together in spirit. Thats nice.
fhqwgadsTurkey: :-)

.Wait in line.Til your time.Ticking clock.Everyone Stop.

Author: Shexpeare /

She changed the dial.

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

I give an inappropriate smile. Knowing that I would taste bitterness.

You think your days are uneventful. And no one ever thinks about you. She goes her own way. You say your days are ordinary. And no one ever thinks about you. But we're all the same. And she can hardly breathe without you.
She says she has no time, for you now.
Well think about the lonely people. Or think about the day she found you. Or lie to yourself, and see it all dissolve around you. She says she has no time, for you now. Lonely people tumble downwards. And my heart opens up to you, when she says she has no time for you now.


Author: Shexpeare /

I was talking to Shamae and Holly about what a valentine was. "Be My Valentine." It is said a lot. But what the heck does it mean anyway? Then I read the Val-O-Gram post and Candace said something about it. What does it mean? Be my lover? Be my one night stand? Be my... little card with chocolates on it. I don't understand.
Be my valentine. We don't know the meaning, but we say it. Anyway, I looked it up.
I found out what it was. But now I don't want to say, because...... that ruins how funny it is to say it and not know.
Anyway, if you really want to know, maybe i'll tell you.
I don't hate Valentine's Day- but it is a little sad don't you think? Being without a lover or potential lover, what will I do on Valentine's Day? Sit at home with my single friends and eat ice cream and watch chick flicks. Sounds good to me.

Happy Singles Awareness Day guys!!!!

-the euphoric feelings never stay-

Author: Shexpeare /

Posted by Hello


Author: Shexpeare /

Everything else is dark. Posted by Hello

THEY TOOK IT DOWN! Duh, they still suck for that. That thing was awesome. Me and shmoo rock! Posted by Hello

Rest in Pieces

Author: Shexpeare /

I was thinking of nothing, and everything in that moment. My mind was racing, but the only thing I can remember was my heart. It felt heavy and it hurt. I thought I heard my mother scream a loud sob- I was surprised to realize it was coming from me. Since I was a kid, I cried quietly. I've never sobbed like that before.

I've been dwindling from the goodness inside of me for a long time. Yesterday it was revealed to everyone.Including myself.This hurts deeper than I thought it did. I felt fine on the surface, but below, I was hurting myself. I should have fixed it before I was forced to. It wouldn't have hurt so much then.

You seem fine. But you are beating yourself up, somewhere inside, you are killing yourself.I know that on the surface, you're okay with it, it might even make you happy. But believe me,in the future, you will wish you would have fixed it before you were forced to. Don't put it off anymore, it will make the experience all the worse. It is so much easier now, be brave, and do it. You'll thank God you did. It will take sacrifice, but I promise, it will take a lot less than if you put it off anymore. I know what you're thinking, you don't want to deal with it now. But later, you will wish that you did. The sacrifice now, is worth it, it will save you from what could happen in the future.

I wish I could go back. But I can't. So all I can do, is pray that the people around me learn from my experience. I don't want anyone to go through what I did. Don't be broken, don't fall to pieces, don't be ashamed, don't hurt the people around you. Fix it now. Please, I just want someone- anyone, to learn from what I did instead of going through it on their own.It might not make any sense, because right now you are happy. But I promise later you won't be.

You have it all under control. Right? Yes, you are right. You do have it under control. But satan is influencing what you DO with that control. So yes, you do have it under control. Now use that control to do what is right. Instead of hurting yourself. I know you are happy with it now. Later you won't be.

It is worth the sacrifice now.

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
Cuz this hurts deeper than I thought it did
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?


Author: Shexpeare /