Already lost the example.... darn.

Author: Shexpeare /

Using some charts about height and weight, I have officially declared myself overweight. So, I'm going to stop being overweight. You have to admit, in the last three months I have gained a lot of weight. I'm sick of being fat. I have to be an action figure someday. I need to be in a cool movie with Sousa and Jenesse where I kick their butt and there is a boxset of me. So yeah..... If I can give up Dr. Pepper, I can do anything! WOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll keep you updated or something.

In other news, Christmas was a mild success. LOL. After all the stress of getting peoples presents, I think it pulled off quite nicely. So MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS or something to that effect. Or as payday would say, Merry Bitchmas.

So deep you don't even bleed.

Author: Shexpeare /

How did I get here? How the hell did I get here?
Before it was so simple.
No, that is a lie. It was never simple. In words it seems simple, but if it were as simple as it sounded, anyone could do it. I think I'm numb. My feet are cold.
I make it hard for myself I suppose.
I'm twisted inside. Everything feels wrong.
I could die right now. And I think I would be okay with that. I wouldn't have to make mistakes, or choices. Everything looks perfect from far away. I should be saying goodbye.
I'll sing it one last time for you. And then we really have to go.
I have felt this before. This goodbye. This hurt. It still hurts to think about it. But I lived.
You lived. We all did okay. Going through it, I never think I will though. I'm rambling. I wish I could tell you what has happened. I wish you knew me. Who am I? Where do I hide? Why do I feel that in my chest? Do I feel guilty? Do I feel hurt.... for the right reasons?
I'm really really hurting someone I love. Someone I love SO so much. And I am hurting them in unimaginable ways.
I should say goodbye.
Goodbye love. Goodbye love. Came to say goodbye love. Goodbye. Just came to say goodbye love. Goodbye love. Goodbye love.
They dare me to move.
But which way should I go? I can't- say goodbye I mean.

Seasons of Love

Author: Shexpeare /

My arm is yours to rip and tear as you please.

I am so afraid.

A shotgun someone should have taken away a long time ago...

Author: Shexpeare /

I'd been running on foot for days. I barely had any rations left, but I can't leave this place until the job is done. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive. My place of refuge... the walls have fallen. I don't fit there anymore, I couldn't stay. So I ran.
Finally I've found someplace else, someplace safer... more trust worthy.
Or so I thought.
It seems unstable. Like it could tumble down, leaving me open to the enemy any second now. So I'm on my guard. Though I will always be loyal- I cannot trust anyone to be loyal to me. It is in their nature to stop helping me. Stop bringing me ammunition. I'll soon run out.
And I can only hope they aren't sick of me...
Why do I have to do this job? Why do I ever have to leave?
You can always hear them before they strike. You hear them,
too late to defend yourself, but early enough to fear.
I can hear them.
But it is too late, I'm stuck. My heart is stuck.

Red Clives for Christmas......

Author: Shexpeare /

Halloween was fun. In a way.
Marisa, Asay, and I went to visit Sousa and Chase at work. We pretty much did that all night. Then eventually we visited Cathy at Jamba. But yeah... we were at the Italian Place for four hours..... And it was a blast! We talked about everything, as always, and the time passed quickly at the Italian Place. That little hole in the wall has become a weird hang out sanctuary of sorts for me.
I would have been fine with this hang out, except for the fact it was halloween. I did nothing to celebrate halloween. I'm pissed. When mette gets back from her trip-a-la-grande-de-la-o-de-trip I demand that we have a make up halloween night and watch horror movies. DEMAND! Not that the other night wasn't fun, it just wasn't halloween.
I miss you mariette! COME BACK! EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG WITHOUT YOU! Just like I said it would. All sorts of bad things are happening! LOL. LOOOVVEE YOOUUU!!!
I watched documentaries on star wars today. That was neat. Good ol' star wars is always there to make me happy! There is never enough Natalie Portman for my taste though. Gotta love her! YAY!
I think I'm going to go see if there are any special features on the Much Ado About Nothing DVD. I think there was a making of documentary, I would like to watch that. Besides that:
I'm playing Medea. I don't know how it is going to turn out. I'm excited, but scared.
Inductions are on Friday. Yay Presidency. Things are looking good from my view. Hoorah.
Beauty and the Beast is going fairly well actually. A couple days ago I was worried, but now I think we are back on track, and if I keeps going as it has been, it is going to be great! I am enjoying Stage Managing just as much as I thought I would. It's been awesome working with the cast.
I am still going to own a theatre. I've just been thinking about it a lot more lately.
I don't know that I like any certain guy at the moment. If I did, I wouldn't tell YOU.
School... I'm getting better grades then last year, and that is all that matters. But I'm happy with it!
I am shamelessly addicted to Jamba Juice.
I am WAY to anxious of Red Clives.

I use to pray you would hold on

Author: Shexpeare /

August seventh......

"Stop reading. It's just going to piss you off. You are just going to think I'm trying to make you feel guilty.
Maybe I am.
I have written in this space, at least ten times tonight. And everytime, I erase and erase and erase. Because nothing seems quite right. Nothing could fit my mood right now. I sat staring at my ceiling. Wondering why I was so pissed. Why it mattered so much. And why I couldn't just go to sleep. I couldn't. Just not right now.
I suppose it was just because- all day I cared. All day I worried, and loved, and hoped you were okay. But all caring did was get me in trouble. I called all day.
Just checking on you. Just hoping to help. Are you okay? Do you need anything? I love you.
Over kill I suppose. Over kill. Totally. I understand. You're stressed. I'm annoying. Sorry. But still. I feel a little rejected, and a little like
I wasted my thoughts."

i would never pick

Author: Shexpeare /

I miss blogging. I don't do it as often anymore. It is kinda sad....
UEA has been very interesting, but I have done a whole lot of nothing. It was what I needed though. Just a break from the world. It has been nice. And I'm glad it isn't over yet.

how it is - how it should be..What happens next?

Author: Shexpeare /

I have been home from Shakespeare for a week now... and things still don't feel the same.
Some things are better, but most things are worse.
After having so much excitment, joy, and.. ACTING for three days straight I all of a sudden have the urge to drop out of high school and just MOVE to hollywood and SLEEP MY WAY UP!! Okay- we all know I would NEVER actually do that. But I also have the desire to NOT go to college and just ACT! But I can't do that either because it is so..... stupid. Not socially acceptable as smart. And just, not a good idea.

But that doesn't mean that I don't want to.
It's sad because I look at people who want to do that and I think they are stupid. I'm stupid.
Lately... I just want to be an actress.
Leave me alone.
I want that exciting schedule, to be with people I love twenty four hours a day (Hahah, I kinda have that "doobie") and ... the... fame of it all? Well, that doesn't sound right. But the feeling of being successful at something I love. And being recognized for it.
I love that. I want to do something as an actress to grow again! I really feel like I have learned a lot from this experience.
I know it is childish...
But I want to take my dreams, and run free.

leaving not forever

Author: Shexpeare /

We are going to SUU tomorrow! I'm so excited! I hope I get to see everyone down there.
Yes that means you.
Anyway- I am really excited, before I was like "blah" but now I can't even stay still! It is going to be SOOO MUCH FUN! WOOOOOOOO!!!
Anyway, I will probably blog from down there, JUST BECAUSE I CAN!

Good luck to everyone!

hey look it's CLAUDDDIOOO!!!

Yeah, I pretty much love her.

How I feel.

Author: Shexpeare /

I'm tired. But I don't feel like going to bed quite yet. I feel sick to my stomach. All day I've just had this weird feeling.
I don't feel good.
I feel nervous.
Perhaps disappointed. I feel like something is missing. I thought I had filled that void long ago but it is still there. Sad, disappointed everytime you aren't there. Everytime it isn't there. It misses things and people.
I feel like doing something. I feel like listening to a certain song. I feel like hugging a certain person. I feel like accomplishing a certain something. I'm just not sure what I want to do, or what song, or who, or which goal. I just know I have this NEED and I'm not sure how to fill it. I don't know what it is I want. I feel used. Abused. Just there for your enjoyment.
I don't like that. I feel like I should let go of some people, and fight for others. I want you to sing for me.

I feel like conference was awesome. The last session I didn't hear much of, which is disappointing. But I still really enjoyed the last two days. I feel encouraged.

So in the end, I'll be what I will be.

Author: Shexpeare /

We are lost.

it brings us together only for a moment

Author: Shexpeare /

Sometimes a moment settles.
Sometimes it stays, and hovers and stops.
It stops sound.
It stops movement.
And the moment seems much longer than a moment.

But then the moment is gone.

I am here to tell you, we can never met again. Simple really. Isn't it?

Author: Shexpeare /

It is a mad mad world. I really feel like blogging. I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just.. I want it to go away. I'm happy. Really I am. But at the same time, somedays I feel like I'm walking around and doing the things I'm doing for no reason. I don't feel like waking up because I feel I have no purpose. I don't have anything to look forward to. Everything is just another memory to be. Nothing seems real, or worth it. Why do the things I do? And if not those, then what else would I do? Nothing is worth anything. Why wake up?

How have I come to this?
How did I slip and fall?
How did I throw half a lifetime away
Without any thought at all?
This should have been my time
It's over, it never began
I closed my eyes to so much for so long and I no longer can
I try to blame it on fortune
Some kind of shift in a star
But I know the truth and it haunts me it's flown just a little too far
I know the truth and it mocks me
I know the truth and it shocks me
It's flown just a little too far.
Why do I want him still?
Why when there's nothing there?
How to go on with the rest of my life
To pretend I don't care

The Banana

Author: Shexpeare /

The Banana.
It isn't like I have anything against it. I just hadn't eaten it in a couple of years. Quite a few actually. We had a falling apart after elementary school. I ate it so much that I suppose I was sick of it. But I never told people I hated bananas because I respected them for what they were, and what they had given me for years. But I just never felt like eating them. Then all of a sudden earlier this week, I randomly feel like a banana. It has been years.... but we talked and I think we are finally okay. I think I am ready to have the banana back in my life, and I think it is ready for asians again.
And I had one this morning too. And- though I'm still a little shaky on how I feel about it. I pretty much enjoyed it.

I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You

Author: Shexpeare /

Okay, so I haven't blogged in what I would consider a while, so I thought I would.
Me and Emily ... weirdly as it is..... had a bad week last week. Like I was picking on her a lot and just being a total bih.
It was... Well it sucked. And it ruined my week. And probably hers. We are okay now though. I love you emily!!!! And I'm sorry I sucked! (You are being an amazing Olivia by the way. I can't wait to see Out Damn Spot!)
Let's see... updates on life.. updates on life.
Rehearsal is going good, I'm impressed by most people, others not so much, but as a whole it is good. I've discovered I can't write because we are doing SAST and also in my creative writing class. I just suck at writing. Yeah, it is pretty stupid that way. Sunday was amazing! I had such a great day. Actually, I've had such a good day today as well. I was just really happy. I hope the rest of this week goes well.
I like happy Sousa by the way. Sousa, ALWAYS be happy. You are SO much fun when you are happy!! I LOVE YOU!!!
I'm worried about presidency a little, mainly just because Melissa is feeling really excluded. We talked a lot about it and we realized there wasn't much we could do about it, because it was other people, and an attitude problem. But I'm glad we talked about it. Oh, by the way...

I miss you Brit. Duh. *Hugs*


Author: Shexpeare /

Everything is going so well. I LOVE LIFE!!! Things I love:
I love today, I love my life. I love this year. I love everything about ... everything pretty much.
I love shakespeare. I love my monologue (though i have no couch). I love the ensemble scene.
I love the musical. I love tick tick tick, and promises you don't intend to keep. I love drama four. I love that we are getting along so well. I LOVE that we are a family.
I love that I spend more time in the drama room than I do at home.
I love that only we understand this weird bond and happiness that has happened to us.
I don't really like that the seniors from last year think we are crazy for doing all this, but that is just because they couldn't possibly understand. Because we are a family.
And it is beautiful.
I love that jamba juice has come into my life. It was always there, but now it is there almost everyday. I love that. Yeah jamba juice.
I love yoga. I love that mette is a part of us. I love that I like new holly. And that she looks like uma thurman. I love that I'm memorized. I love that everyone I know knows celeste SOMEHOW and we can talk about how awesome she is. I love the cast. I love being president. I love the council of doom.
I love that I see cathy often. We have always been great friends, but now I actually SEE her. I love that.
I love that me and kristi still talk.
I love that shmoo is going to teach me how to skateboard. I love that my "artist" life is coming together exactly as I want it. I love that I know at least one person looks up to me. And I love that I look up to them too. I love rule number 34 on the cast rules. I love macbeth. I love hecate! I love trevor. (hahahah).
Things I hate:
I hate that I keep thinking about college. So stressful.
I know that I shouldn't be using the words love and hate so casually. But that is how I feel right now. I feel love for everyone, and I can't explain that happiness with the mere word of LIKE or ENJOY. LOVE!

Cathy did something today that made me so happy! Seriously! And she will never know!
I mean, it was stupid and little, but it totally made my day.
That happens a lot.
People do really little things that make or break my day. I suppose I shouldn't let them break it, but they can make it all they want! I don't know why little things like that matter so much to me. But they always have. I should probably try to grow out of that.
But seriously! Little nice things, who knows! You could make someones day!!!

so let go- just jump in, drink up baby doll

Author: Shexpeare /

I hate thinking about people, and memories, and all things like that. Because it just makes me miss them more. Sure I miss people and things, but I never really feel sorrowful about it until I stop and think about it. I could guess that is why a lot of you don't stop to think about it, and when I mention things you change the subject. I try to avoid it myself. But today feels like summer. So today I miss kristi. Not that I don't miss the rest of you, but today I miss kristi. Sure I miss the naked squishy, and someone who doesn't mind silence, and I miss getting free orange juice because my friend is hot enough to get sonic males to do that! But it isn't that! It isn't those things I miss, today I don't miss the little details.
I miss her. As a whole. As a person.
Blah. Today I feel like she just left. You know, I'm not a baby. Really I'm not. Most days I'm happy and fine. But today that void just seems a little bit bigger for some reason.

Well, I'm going to stop now because I need to stop thinking about it. Because being pensive ALWAYS makes feelings worse.
I'd send the pain below.

it will have blood they say... blood will have blood

Author: Shexpeare /

OH MY GOODNESS! Macbeth is awesome. yeah, the kitty loved it too!!! I'm glad that rolo likes shakespeare. I mean.. .when the out damn spot monologue was up, and lady macbeth was sobbing at that one part- yeah, the cat was totally interested.The show sure, has its problems, but its still BEAUTIFUL! And i love that christy has the subtext of being pregnant and stuff. SO GOOD! OH MY GOSH! I just realized something.

Me and Emily were noticing how christy had these certain mannerisms, and stuff, and we thought they were really cool.

And the first performance, it was always odd ... yet completely right to me that she touched her stomach ...
Like.. she held her stomach.. a lot.
And then she tells us about the subtext of being prego. I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON SHE HAD THAT ISM! nevermind, this show is just awesome. I mean, it has plenty of problems (stage combat, and some of the ensemble) but overall, it just taught me a lot about becoming a different person onstage, and body language and ESPECIALLY about the energy you can show the audience without even saying anything! Like we KNEW hecate was evil and ...
OH ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I'm glad the kitty liked it. BUT SERIOUSLY! SUBTEXT YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rolo the drama department mascot

Author: Shexpeare /

This year is going to be great. I hope we can keep up.. this.. this...
FAMILY thing that metta keeps talking about.
It really is like a drama department FAMILY or something. It just feels so...

I mean we even have A CAT! NAMED ROLO! (We have a cat named rolo. A kitty. A fluffy kitty. IT IS SO CUTE.)
We are just a family.

And it is beautiful.
I'm doing really well in my classes by the way. I love all of them, they are so freaking awesome! And I have yet to get behind in my homework (Yes, I know it has only been a week, but that is GOOD for me. Seriously, ask kristi, I'm an awful student. But I'm doing good!) I miss you and you and you and you. And I love you and you and you and you and... YOU! Especially YOU!

We filmed us playing in the friends fountain today. And it was really windy and the water was freezing and I got SOAKING WET! It was a freaking blast, but I was really really cold and numb. Totally worth it though, I CLIMBED on it and sat and asay sprayed me, ahhhh!!!! Yay friends!

I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear.

Author: Shexpeare /

Things are going well this year.
I love my classes.
The drama department is great... there is much potential for a fantastic year. It has been awesome so far, everything is going so well.

And yet I have this yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Maybe I'm worried things won't be this good forever.
But I also know that it is because I'm thinking about you. I'm dying to tell you anything you want to hear.
I love you. Be well.

tell me how it goes. and maybe i'll tell you how it goes for me.

Author: Shexpeare /

In seminary they challenged us to read the book of mormon everyday.
In the ensign President Hinkley challenged us yet again.
They have said it before. But these current reminders are getting me thinking.
And the night before last when cathy dropped me off I said "oh hey, don't forget to read your scriptures!" Half joking, half not..
And last night she said "Thanks for reminding me to read my scriptures. It helped me have a good day today."
If you read your scriptures everyday...

it does something like...

"SMACK, it is now EASIER to be a good person and do the right things."
"BAM, it is now EASIER to be happy when things are hurting you."
Especially after you read something you feel was just for you.

What do I know? But really, no matter where you are in your life, if you aren't already reading the book of mormon everyday.
Just try.
See if you feel weight lifted out of that BIG O' BAG of BURDENS.
(hehehe seminary.) Anyway, really. Try it. Tell me if things get better. Actually, things might not get better, tell me if YOU get better. But you gotta do it whole heartedly.

whoa nelly shoes! For when you really need to stop!

Author: Shexpeare /

Well, school starts tomorrow and for some reason I can't remember what time. So I'm just going to go early. I'm pretty darn excited I must admit. My senior year!! WOOOOHOOOO!!! This year is going to be great, and nothing is going to get in the way! Even- THE EVIL BOOBAHS! Just teasing, they aren't really that evil.

For the last five years of my life... I always said
'Someday I'll try'.
But that day hasn't come. I'm growing up, and soon I'll be going out into the world. I won't have a mother or father saying "read your scriptures, go to church, pray, be a kind person."
And I always thought, well, I'm young, I have years before I have to worry about being temple worthy.
I'm young, I have years before I have to worry about going on a mission.
I'm almost eighteen.
I should've worried years ago, I should have tried yesterday, instead of tomorrow.
It has always come down to "Someday I'll try."

Time is short. And I've realized we don't HAVE a someday.
Today is that day. You don't have time to procrastinate.
There are things that I can still do, I still have time to do. But there are other things... That I can never go back and change. Five years. And if I would have tried five years ago, my life would be different, better, today.
I wish I could go back. I only have today.

"Do not let them pass by, saying "sometime I'll try" But go and do something today. Then wake up and do something more, than dream of your mansion above. Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, a blessing of duty and love."

it has come all too soon

Author: Shexpeare /

I'm a senior. I can't believe it. Okay, I can believe it. And I guess I'm ready for it. It just seems so soon. I feel like I'm still a kid.
I am a kid.
And soon it is off to college and such. After highschool I COULD potentially get married... if I really wanted to. I can move out, I could get pregnant if I wanted to. I could stop going to church if I wanted to. I could go on a mission, I can pursue a career or become a hermit.
I can make or break a world for myself.
Because I can't be a kid anymore.
Never again.
This better be a good, GREAT year. Especially as far as drama is concerned. It just better be good... my last year as a kid better be good.

hahahahahahah YAH HOT DOGS!

Author: Shexpeare /


Which Family Guy Character Are you?
brought to you by

send the pain below (I bet I've had that as a title before. Whoever finds it first wins a golden ticket!... if its there that is.)

Author: Shexpeare /

I had an absolutely super fantastic time in St. George. We did a whole lot of nothing...
And it was a freaking BLAST!! It was fun just watching music videos, and running errands!!!
(Yay fall out boy) It was also fun playing weird car games that don't exsist (Mmmmm FANTASY! YES YES! I GOT ONE!).
Thanks for letting me come visit! I miss having you around. I LOVE YOU! Soooooo freaking much.

In other news.... I have a spork.
Besides that there isn't really news at all.
Okay, you know the fountain I love so dearly. The friends fountain from last summer.
It is officially UP AND RUNNING! And I officially played in it last night! I thought of you shmoo!!!!! They put this weird black lining on the bottom, so it would look deeper, and I don't know how I feel about it. But I don't care, because it is WORKING!
I need to buy a camera, I have a huge lack of pictures of people and things I love. I should consider investing in that. But I owe chase money, so that will have to wait. Hahahahah. Or maybe I'll just pay him back in sexual favors. Hehehehe... Oh wow, thats awful. But seriously chase, you should consider it, you are looking for a girlfriend aren't you *WINK WINK! HINT HINT!*
You know all those things I was missing a couple weeks ago, I got a lot of them thanks to my super buddies!
I got chocolate milk, and the amazing count. I got the fountain and the naked squishy. I fed ducks.
I am still missing a shmoo, so we will have to work that one out. But I at least got a visit from most everything else I missed. And I have a new love! The dugouts. A new theraputic thing I'm sure shmoo would appreciate. So everyone... how is YOUR summer going?

take me Posted by Picasa

Imagine If....

Author: Shexpeare /

Mr. Perry was a writing utensil. What would he/she be?

A CRAYON!!!!!!!!

That was so fun! We need to get everyone together and play Imagine If again! It was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!! Let's do it!


i hate being alone

Author: Shexpeare /

I love the bookstore.
And the theatre.
And the coffee shop.


Author: Shexpeare /

You should really check the site out.

So back about a month ago, me and bobby went to lagoon. And dude, there is this one ride, where YOU ARE spiderman. Or an army man, but whatever. Anyway, it was one of the most fun rides and it isn't a popular one.
Those were good times.
Even though it took us forever to get up there.
I miss you!


Author: Shexpeare /

So I went salsa dancing. That was interesting. I visited some friends from theatre camp (who also didn't go) and they took me with them. It was at this latino cafe place.... full of gabes I swear. Anyway, guys asked me to dance. BYU guys, and, if you didn't know, I don't dance. It was interesting enough when the hot swedish guy asked me to dance (THIS ISN'T FUNNY) BUT THINGS GOT MORE INTERESTING. First I saw santiago, which was... interesting. THEN a weird balding old guy who I swear was just trying to moleste the innocent byu girls, asked me to dance. My friend laughed, and I laughed too, only nervously. He....
How do I put this?
He danced...
Things were just interesting. He would do this thing with his pelvis. Kinda like... putting his hands over his head, and doing the anti-gravity sex room dance.
It wasn't pretty.
Just interesting.
INTERESTING!!! That is the only way to describe last night.
Salsa dancing.
P.S. What happened to the blogs anyway! They use to be so fun and everyone commented. Seriously, check it out. Go to JUNE 2004 archives, and it will PROVE how much better last summer was.

I'm running a second term, bitches.

Author: Shexpeare /

I had the funniest instant message conversations today. And I had a great one with Shmoo Sousa Emily And Ef Hoffo all at once, but that one is too long to post. But.... it had to do with Hunting with Sousa, Road Trips, And the Senator toys that bitch slap all those who go against democracy.
Anyway..... Then I was looking at favorite words that aren't in the dictionary... and one of them was....
Freak OFF! says:
stealth-geek : one that hides nerdy interests while maintaining a normal outward appearance
Freak OFF! says:
a.k.a. is chelsey
Badly Drawn Girl says:
omgwtf no way.
Badly Drawn Girl says:
Badly Drawn Girl says:
Freak OFF! says:
*clears throat* Precisely what I mean.

Emily and Shmoo Talking(I just got an email that said.. You Can Be A Cop, and I thought.. Hmm I SHOULD FORWARD THAT TO CORINNE! HAHAHA.)

Author: Shexpeare /

Emily says:
We should, like, all go on a road trip to see you...
Don't ever tell anybody anything. says:
um... I think you SHOULD. Except I might die or something. die of...surprisedness...yes, that is a word, now.
Emily says:
Well, we could like tell you before and then you would live and we could all hang out and it would be awesom!
Don't ever tell anybody anything. says:
haha! if I was tasha, I would tell you that you're cute and little. but I'm not her, so I'll say that you're extremely funny. lol
Emily says:
Thanks for that
Emily says:
I think
Emily says:
Yes, thanks for that
Don't ever tell anybody anything. says:
Don't ever tell anybody anything. says:
are you sure now?
Emily says:
Don't ever tell anybody anything. says:
Emily says:
I had to think about it for a minute
Emily says:
But I've decided that was a compliment

(NOTE: Sometimes when I insult her... she decides its a compliment too.)

I miss the smell of hair dye.

Author: Shexpeare /

This summer sucks! I hate it! I'm so freaking bored all the time. And... you know....
the worst thing is that I keep comparing it to last summer. I know that for some of you it was not pleasant, but that was the best summer I have ever had. And this one just can't compare.
I want Kristi and Shmoo to come back. I miss roaming the nights, and eating things in the back of the naked squishy... and randomly seeing a guy singing to eminem. (Why the duce did he park next to us?! HAHAHA)
I miss those days! I miss having nothing to do, but being perfectly content. This summer makes me want to throw things. I HAVE IT SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss the rain. The way it use to be. I miss sitting on rooftops. I miss eating count chocula. I miss drinking chocolate milk. I miss Village Inn. I miss rancid weed man. I miss o filthy traitor. I don't miss melon. But I miss ditching melon! I miss the cages and OKKAAAAAYYY!!! I miss playing spies with little ones and making quesadillas.
I miss texting. I miss getting emails and visits while I was at theatre camp. I miss send the pain below. I miss burning cds. I miss the naked squishy. I miss waking up and having there be friends in my room. I miss peanut butter malt SHAKES. I miss being howard and the asian.
I miss the smell of hair dye.
Stupid bobby. Stupid shmoo. I love them.

My husband phil...

Author: Shexpeare /

Hey bobby! Do you remember these in park city? They are EVERYWHERE!!!!!!! Yay park city. Yay phil.


Author: Shexpeare /

BLAST FROM THE PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kara right? I always liked carrie (was that her name? the snotty one?) She was awesome... with the hair product and the... glafin.

wasted words on lower cases and capitals

Author: Shexpeare /

Please just be okay.
Just do what is right.
Know it, and do it.
I can't stand to lose another one of you.

One Posted by Hello

It is so hot outside! I can't even handle it. Its melting me alive!
How is everyone's summer going?

soft spot for gay men!!! no!!!!!

Author: Shexpeare /

Grace Adler: Quirky.  Funky.  Cute.
You're Grace Adler! You're quirky and energetic,
and you have soft spot for gay men. You're
ultra-creative and you have a funky, crazy
fashion sense.

Which Will and Grace Character Are You?

(I'm so in love with a gay guy, I can't even handle myself. OH I HATE MY LIFE!)

You're a mean girl! You're a bitch!

Author: Shexpeare /

Gretchen Weiner

Which Mean Girl are you?

the luckiest

Author: Shexpeare /

I knew this would come. And I'm still not ready.... but really duh.
That girl, who was always there to listen, and laugh at my jokes will be gone. She always understood, and she always made me laugh.
The other, who always knocked sense into me, will be gone. She came to the rescue many times.
The one who is nothing like me, except always knew how to relate somehow, will be gone. She already is gone. I miss those night walks.
And.. the one who has helped me see things in a different light, and helped, when she didnt even know she had. She gave me a bigger smile then anyone else ever could. She isn't coming back.
Of course it probably shouldn't matter as much as it does. We all know we aren't going to be with the same people for the rest of our lives. So maybe you should only get as close as you need to.
Maybe I should have heeded that advice. Only get as close as you need to.
She heeded that advice. I didn't.
And even though it hurts now, I'm glad I didn't.

My stomach aches. I want to cry. I don't know understand why it is so hard to just live on. I do, I do live on, but it hurts. I'm still laughing, still telling jokes and dancing around. But I feel like a little part of me is missing or something.
I know I will get over it, that isn't the point. I don't want to have to. I don't want to get over it, I just want them to always be there. I know that is impossible. I was lucky to know you. I wish I would have made more memories with you.

See you in a week! (about)

Author: Shexpeare /

Well guys, I'm going to girls camp. I'll be driving there at five tomorrow morning. So if I don't answer your calls that is why! I love you all!! I am excited (Sort of, at least I'm excited that I'll get to hang out with Cathy up there).
If I die at girls camp I leave to you:
Shmoo: My Gamecube and Resident Evil 0. Finish our work if I die....
Jenessee: My new blue slinky, I know you will find enjoyment out of it.
Asay: My awesome beach towel.
Bobby: My computer, movies, and my capes. (AND THE COOL PILLOW I LOVE SO MUCH!)

The rest of you can sort through whatever you would like.... ahhaha
Okay I hope I don't die. But I just HAD to write a will and if I DO DIE! You guys better take those things!!!! Love you all!

It's only distance.

Author: Shexpeare /

It's only distance. Posted by Hello

I'll be gone for three days....  Posted by Hello

Last night was interesting....

Author: Shexpeare /

Taking shots! Or something... OH! And on the table that kristi is sitting by, by the cup.... LITTLE YODA!!! He likes to jump around after peeing.

Marisa smiling the same again.... Jessy's parents are cool and funny. And dressed us up. Emily has her concentrating face on...

Terrorist ATTACK! This is the best picture I have ever seen... EVER! I.... LOVE YOU SOUSA AND JESSY!!! Posted by Hello

I am the shimmy QUEEN!!!!! Forget me and the cool bra, just look at Kristi's face. I'm thinking that maybe she thinks I'm weird.

Kristi is a hottie! Oh, and I have these pictures from last night right, and all of us got caught candid at least once. But every single one, Marisa is in the backround smiling at the camera. It is so funny! Because.... she looks the same in all the pictures and its just funny.... or sugarloaf. Kristi I luff you! Posted by Hello

kristi tried to pet my face with her foot

Author: Shexpeare /

And it worked.
Graduation is today! I didn't imagine I would be in this mood when this day came. I imagined it once, last summer. I imagined that maybe I would cry, perhaps whine, and all together try to shoot myself in the face.
But I'm okay. And being okay, is more than I expected from myself.
Today the stage. Tomorrow...the slightly larger stage.

P.S. I need to stop thinking about it, or I might stop being okay.


Author: Shexpeare /

So I'm about to take a shower..... and naturally, like most people do, I take off my clothes.
And there are two pennies stuck on my boob. And I just... wonder how they got there.
Then I remembered...

Oh, how I'm going to miss your silly habits.

About Orange Juice....

Author: Shexpeare /

I like orange juice, and I'll drink it almost anyway it comes. But I think that medium pulp is the best. Or low pulp.... because you have to have pulp. It makes it taste fresh and real. But I am drinking High Pulp right now and although I still like it, I want to shoot myself because of all the floaties. They are trying to get stuck in my teeth, and they make the texture feel like throw up, or some kind of.....
It just isn't as good as it could be.
Damn you high pulp!!!

devin is cutting a napkin

Author: Shexpeare /

The second to last day of school it is. Here I am in newspaper class eating pizza and listening to music. We aren't really doing anything because we don't have a final. (Though he did say if we ate more than four pieces we could have extra credit.) Things seem to be going good. I'm a little scared of the future, but I'm just holding on to here and now, and not really thinking about it today. Not REALLY anyway.
Look at me. Thats right, LOOK AT ME!
*Is Thespian President 2005-2006*
Aren't I hot? El Presidente will work as well. NOT DANTE because thats wrong says Kristi Thornley. I'm really excited for next year, I hope that we will do well.
Mountain View Theatre 2005-2006 *DING!*
My grades sure are looking up though, I'm pretty happy about it. I still have the History final to worry about tomorrow though, then its all over FOREVER! (Forever meaning until next school year.)
Emily and I decided that there must be some kind of spring fever or summer loving or something, because everyone seems to be twitterpated, at least everyone I have been chilling (Shut up man, I'm black) with lately. I suppose it is a good thing, we will just have to see how things turn out.
GOOD LUCK SENIORS!!! I LUFF (Oh, that is RIGHT, I brought back LUFF for one more LUFFING) YOU!!!!

Revenge of the Sith

Author: Shexpeare /



I can't contain myself. I don't know what to do with myself. I am so happy, I cried so much, but I'm so satisfied. I LOVED IT!

Got Pulp?

Author: Shexpeare /

Okay, so here I am drinking orange juice, and I shake it well. But then I realize it is "No Pulp" so I feel as if I shouldn't have shaken so hard. So I look for the "Shake Well Before Using" sign. And there isn't one... exactly. It says "Shake Well For Fresh Squeezed Taste." Now- what if you are suppose to shake well before using, either because it will taste watery, like crap, or you will DIE. But because they want you to shake well, they tempt you with "Shake Well For Fresh Squeezed Taste."
But what if I don't LIKE Fresh Squeezed. What if I'm one of those "Go SUNNY D! I LOVE Manufactured taste!" What then? I don't shake it well, it tastes awful, and then I never buy that brand again. There they go, losing a costumer. And I lose what could have potentially been really good orange juice, for a really good morning. "Shake Well For Fresh Squeezed Taste." is a lie anyway. I practically boogied down shaking that thing and all I got was normal carton orange juice.

I'm a little disappointed in them. "Shake Well For Fresh Squeezed Taste." It ain't fresh, and if I don't like fresh... no one ever told me to "Shake Well Before Using." Someone out there right now.... has lost one cup, of what could have been great orange juice.
What a shame.

Parting Nights.....

Author: Shexpeare /

this is an audio post - click to play

fat kids in a little coat

Author: Shexpeare /

I went to Celeste's reception.
She's a hottie. Hehehe...
I think her and her husband fit well together. I was happy to see her.
It had been awhile since I last saw her....
I have my world away from this world, and it is sorta being taken away. It was a place that was mine, and I have fun there, and I probably still will have fun there, but it isn't mine anymore. I'm slightly annoyed I guess.
I'm really unhappy right now. Just this minute. I think it is because I'm tired and grumpy and I just woke up. Because last night I was fine. I need to laugh or something, I'm not exactly perfect lately because I have had a lack of fun. I'm bored with life at the moment. I'm going back to sleep for a mere ten minutes before church.

Nothing to be done.

Author: Shexpeare /

I guess I never really knew you anyway....

my face is mushy from crying

Author: Shexpeare /

I want things I can't have.

I care so much more....

But it doesn't matter to anyone that I do. And it doesn't change anything.
But I go on caring and crying.

You can't feel anymore, but I love you.

Author: Shexpeare /

Are you sick of this yet?


Author: Shexpeare /

God loves you!

"Because they need it. They need someone to trust in them and love them, and you can do that."
Chelsey wrote that.

Is that why I love people? Because they need it? Why do I love the ones who don't need it?
Simply for the sake of loving?
If they don't need to be loved, maybe I need to love.
Chels brought me to a point. Maybe I just have love to give, and I would give it to anyone who would take it, because... I need to love.
Some people are different though. Some people I love because they...
It is so easy to see what is beautiful about them.

things were not the same after that

Author: Shexpeare /

I was thinking about the people who have come in and out of my life. There are many people who have come and left. It is a little depressing. And most of them... I haven't seen since. You always say you will keep contact, but I rarely do keep contact. I must be honest here- I'm really bad at writing, and calling, and this and that. Because I simply move on.
I always love where I am at that moment, and I don't want anything else. I'm glad I knew people in the past, but most of the time I don't want them back in my life. That is because I do one of two things, I either really miss them all the time, or I move on. But when I move on, I move on completely, and they are gone from my thoughts. Most of the time anyway.
They still leave their mark though.
A lot of people have tatooed ideas and impressions into my head. Making me who I am today.I thank them for that.
I hate thinking that a lot of you I may never see again. And sadly I know I'll get over it.

Soon enough, you will only be an idea. Not something I can touch, smell, or hear. Not someone I can hug or miss. Just an idea in my head. A certain someone who did certain things for me at a certain time in my life. But really... it is never the same. When you see them again, it's never the same.

So what do I do? Do I miss you terribly, or do I move on, but then forget you? I don't want to forget you. I hope some of you have a place in my future.
And to those of you who will rarely or never show up again- Thank you. Thank you for being who you are, and showing me what you did. Thank you for being my friend. And I hope you learned something from me. You'll be in my prayers.

wiggidy Posted by Picasa

da pun da pun da pun

Author: Shexpeare /

this is an audio post - click to play

cruising for a piece of fun

Author: Shexpeare /

Dear everyone,
Don't GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Actually, do graduate, but-
I'll miss you all. You have all been a great part in my life. I know that people come in and out of your life on a constant basis. It is a bit depressing. Especially because I get attached to people. I'll probably blog more on this later, but right now, I just wanted to say I love you. I should probably start distancing myself so that when you all leave it won't be so bad. I don't want to though. Oh well. What happens, happens.

VOTE EMILY RULE FOR SECRETARY!!!!!! (hahahahaha..... she isn't running against anyone.)

Okay. Have you ever typed, and you were listening to music or talking to someone on the phone, and you meant to type one thing, but another came out. And you read it a few seconds later and realized that you didn't mean for that to be written. But it is true. I do this a lot, I'll type something that I didn't mean to type, but... what I write is true. The truth comes out when I'm not noticing. Or something that I have been thinking about is written. It is really weird.
For example, I may mean to type:
I want to eat something.
And I come out with:
I want to be a good president.
(hopefully I get the chance)
Yeah. That happened. Or-
I love that!
And I get-
I hate that.
HAHAHAHAHAH So yeah, I'm a freaking weirdo! I LOVE YOU GUYS! WOOOOOO!!!!

Quotable quotes?

Author: Shexpeare /

I can't decide if I like the movie "Closer" or not. I think I might like it..... I don't know. I need to see it again I think.

Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.
Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, “I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it”, and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one.

Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.

Alice:I don't want to lie. I can't tell the truth. So it's over. I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.

Alice: Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.

Alice: Why isn't love enough?

Alice: Is it because she's successful?
Dan: No. It's because... she doesn't need me.

This little guy kills everyone! Posted by Hello


Author: Shexpeare /

I'm a little worried. About stuff. People. Everything in general. Things just worry me. I'm afriad that I've ruined my future in many ways. I may seem like I have it together, but things are so out of place. I might not be able to do the things I had hoped to achieve, or go the places I want to go. I might not be able to do the things I wish to do.
But I know that if I fix things from this point forward, it would help a lot. I might still be able to.... do certain things before I die.
But I say this everyday. Everytime before I go to bed I think "Tomorrow is a new day." And every new day when I make my first mistake I think "Tomorrow is a new day." And then Emily says to me "You might mess up, but that shouldn't give you an excuse to mess up more. If you mess up, just try harder." I know she said it better than that, but I can't remember what words she used. She was telling me what I've heard a million times over. Me messing up doesn't give me an excuse to wait to fix things, or do it again. It should make me try harder to not do it again.

And if I go a week without screwing up, and then I screw up... then hopefully next time I can go a week and a day without screwing up. And then if I screw up... hopefully I'll go a week and a few days etc etc.

Tomorrow is a new day.

This week sure is going to be interesting. And spring break is coming! WOO!
I probably won't be able to wait until this week is over. It has been really boring already. I need to have an adventure.

go superduper!!!

Author: Shexpeare /

You Are Lara Croft

"Everything lost is meant to be found."What Superheroine Are You?

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I lie well.

Author: Shexpeare /

I'm taking back my arm now. Thanks.
Today is the day I get tired.


Author: Shexpeare /

I love general conference.

There is always something that I need to hear.


*Low* I can't stand this *high* i can't stand this!

Author: Shexpeare /

One Act call backs are today. I'm really excited. I'm not completely sure why, but I bet it is partly because last year call backs went really well for me. Cold reading is..... intense fun? It is just always a rush to get on stage not quite knowing what is going to happen. I like that. So yeah, I'm excited, and I'll have to tell you how they go later.

I was thinking about what One Act maybe I would do next year. I have a few good ideas. Some just won't work, but I'd like to pretend they might.

Emily Rule RULES. I miss shmoo. Bobby needs to just, appear right there *points*. Candace and I need to listen to more new music. People should not leave. Some people should not be gay.(Unlike Holly I DO mean homosexual) And others need to know me.
I hate B days. They are just the worst thing to hit the earth since loafed bread. I'm wearing Chris' sweater- but it is this really cool thing I like. I want one. Also, I doubt I'm going to be going to Morp, or prom, or any dance ever again EVER. LOL. I want to go to Morp, but the only people I want to ask probably can't go, or WON'T at that. And prom... I want to go, even though I'm not one for formal dances, I still want to go. It doesn't really matter though.
What I'm listening to:Nothing.
What I wish I was listening to: Mindless Self Indulgence.
I CAN'T STAND THIS! I can't stand this.
I did a monologue last night for my ward. It was cool. Wish me good luck with call backs! Blejkfejiosbei ofmseiosj fies b ifoe jsifoejs ifeo!

i dial zero.where is my hero.she's out there somewhere.left of the middle.

Author: Shexpeare /

It has come to my attention that one among us... might be considered a slight... trekkie.

It has also come to my attention that when people don't answer their phone I get frustrated. And that Candace needs fishnet stockings as well as weird red stockings.

Bobby and I found a camera in her car- and we took the rest of the pictures it had and developed them. Then we were looking through them and... and... whos camera is it?
SHMOOOOOOOOS!!! There was a picture of her overly large dog in it and we just KNEW. We are keeping it by the way.
Oh, and I picked the lock to the case for the pictures by the drama room. Hopefully someone has keys though eventually. It is kinda annoying.
Easter was disappointing today. UNLESS something happens by the end of the day. WHICH COULD HAPPEN! One never knows. Sometimes random adventures pop out of nowhere. So, I hope I have an Easter adventure.

to be...... or not to be.... all the worlds a staaageeee

Author: Shexpeare /

So this one time at theatre camp... me and jill were friends with this girl named Brianne. Not sure how that is spelled- either way it doesn't matter because we called her Puppydog. And I saw her yesterday. She came to the play, and she was in the faculty bathroom when I went to get ready. It was weird seeing her. And then I called Jill because you know how I do that when I get bored. Yeah- but we talked, and I miss Jill. We connected randomly, and bonded. And, if she lived here she would be one of my very good friends. I miss her.

I also miss mike. And when I say mike, I mean Brit. And when I say brit I mean mike. They are one in the same at theatre camp.

And I miss Boris. Who was really norma. I wonder if I will go back to theatre camp. EITHER WAY- CELESTE IS GETTING MARRIED. She texted me and said so. For those of you that met her, she is awesome, and I can only imagine that her guy is freaking cool. He better be hot- because she is a hottie mchotterson.

I'm really excited for the new, and final star wars movie. I'm really upset that my buddy up there (natalie portman) is .... well it is just going to be an unpleasant experience for her character. But hot dog, I LOVE STAR WARS!!!  Posted by Hello

Jealousy will drive you mad.

Author: Shexpeare /

Jealousy is such a terrible thing. I go crazy. When I let it take control of causes me to do things I wouldn't dream of doing. I stop and think for a moment, and I realize the hate it brings up inside me. I wouldn't normally feel that way about someone. Or treat someone like that, no matter what they did to me. I regret.

It is a weird sensation in my chest. It is like feeling hurt, and you deal with it through anger.
And I keep saying to myself..... "It's not fair. It's not fair."

What's not fair? Forget being fair. Nothing is fair.

And still, after a whole lot of nothing, a whole lot of fuss- I will not get what I want. And just thinking that makes me say it again "It's not fair." Already I have that feeling in my chest.
But if I stop and think. I'm so ridiculous.
With this anger, there is something that feels like love.
Jealousy. Just a twisted version of love. Stop twisting my love. Fruitcake.

Not The Same

Author: Shexpeare /

Do you think that it is possible for one event, or one small chain of events to change someone?
Everything is always the same with me. I feel the change come slowly- but it is never drastic and no one ever notices.
I would like to change. Just become different. Not the same. In one day.
But I think that even with one big event, the change still comes gradually. But truely, I don't really know. Anyone here gone through a very fast change?

I've dealt with things that have broken me before. They broke my heart, and I had to pick up the pieces, and some of them are still on the ground. I feel like I'm about to be broken again. I am always disappointed by everything. I'm fragile now... after certain events I'm fragile in your hands. I don't trust my instincts.... or what they tell me. Not anymore.
We're still fighting it. We're still fighting it, and you' much... like me.... I'm sorry.

It hurts to be second. Because like steve said, you were waiting for that moment, and it didn't come. Someone else had it. Or is it worse to be first by default? Blah. So anyway, I'm learning four monologues at once. Two for auditions, one for english class, and one for a ward thing. WOOOHOOO!!

I've had a great day. And a CRAPPY day. Meh.


Author: Shexpeare /


We arrived at the bus station exactly the same time as the bus did. Right when we got on the bus two guys seemed very outgoing and greeted Kristi by telling her that the number on her shirt was also the number he used as a football player in high school. The two black men talked to us... randomly.... the 44 year old behind us told us about how we needed to pick a major soon. (He thought we were in college thanks to Kristis witty skills.) And he talked to us forever abour random stuff, eventually he gave up and started talking to his "brother".
It is strange, that listening to them gave me a head ache. Their lack of communication skills was sad. They would top each other and it was so funny because it really sounded like this:
"Yeah yeah-"
"No listen"
"Lemme finish"
"I hear you brother."
"I'm so glad we be talking foo'."

And then they were so happy that they understood each other and had that conversation and stuff... but nothing they said really made any sense. Anyway, then he kissed my hand (His name was stanley) when we got off. Off to the south town mall!
First... this mall is just cool.
Second. We took pictures in a little booth thingy.In the first one we didn't know it was taking pictures so we are both looking at random places. The second I look like ARNOLD trying to squeeze something particularly painstaking and kristi is normal. And the third she is smiling and I am laughing like a SCREAMING BANSHI.

Then we rode on a Carousel/Merry-go-round. She got the cool dragon. And I had an ugly horse. But the cool dragon was COOL! There was rap playing in the backround though, it seemed a little random and off.
Then we ate Beef Cheddar Melts. SOooooooo good. I love Arby's. Then we came home, thus ending our adventure. On our trip we also learned that sometimes Hot Topic is squishy and cramped. Forever Young is also a clothing store. Celestial Apple needs to be visited. We need to go back and explore that mall. Developing booth pictures takes 4 1/2 minutes and 5 to others.
I think that is all.
Did I miss anything?


Author: Shexpeare /

Adventures (I'm not sure what to write to explain exactly how awesome our adventures were):

First the car was retarded because of four wheel drive, and bobby just... didn't... remember that til it was basically too late.....

Okay, so we go to a hot dog stand and for the first time ever, I get a hot dog... at... a hot dog stand. It was freaking awesome! Then we bought a hot dog for a homeless man that was poisoning our food ten feet away. (He didn't really poison us, but if we die, thats what happened.)

Then we had the best ice cream ever.

We also went into this thuggin- THUGGIN book store. I mean I walked past the ally way (It was a cool chase scene place) and I could smell the books (literally) before I went in. They had all these rare books, and a cool coffee shop. And that is where I want to have my dream day, with the satchel of books and stuff remember? Awesome BOOK STORE! We need to go back and get a 25 cent book though.

"I'm scared of those people."
"What people?"
*Tasha looks around for five minutes.*
"The mexican people."

Then we went into the off broadway theatre and took a peek around. I decided that Kung Fooey sounded dumb and downstairs there was a sex couch. We decided it has been used.

Then we went to hillcrest, and we seriously thought that it was where we toured for king lear, but eventually we remembered it was highland.... It was exciting at the time to think that though. It was a maze, and I wish that our school was more of a maze. Knowing where places are, is just boring now. And their drinking fountain was cool.

"Pirate and/or Carribean Thursday." *pause*
"Today is thursday." *pause*
*Girl dressed in pirate and/or Carribean costume walks by.*

Queen Clark Parking Only.

Speed Dip.

"Take your hand off my butt."

"I will let you lick the cheetos off my fingers."
"But I don't want to."
"Baseball is boring." *Goes through the boring motions.*
"He runs funny."

Did I miss anything?

Happy birthday me!

Author: Shexpeare /

I had an awesome birthday!!! Thank you everyone, you were all awesome- and I had so much fun... and.... ahhh it was just the best!!!

"Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words." Posted by Hello

laughter is the best medicine

Author: Shexpeare /

So I'm in newspaper class..... And in the next newspaper you should watch out for:

Something on me and my love for capes.

And an article on Shamae- that isn't all exactly true, but it is still awesome so you should read it.

AHAHAHAHAH!! I am so happy right now. Last class period I had shakespeare and I laughed for a half hour, no joke, I just couldn't stop laughing. It was so funny- we stole Chris' coat. Seaver would pull it out from under his chair and it would appear at the other end of the room and Chris would get confused and mad. Then this would happen again. This happened at least three or four times until finally we put it at the other end of the room and he couldn't find it. I know that doesn't seem funny, but it WAS, and besides that I was laughing at the "dog in the collar thing" and that one time when we tied Hoffman's sweater to her chair. The anticipation of her standing up was just too much, that I laughed all during that workshop.
Everything seemed funny today in that class, and I just couldn't handle it. And after you laugh for that long you just can't... NOT be happy.


Author: Shexpeare /

Candace is one of the funniest people I've ever met. Just because. And her bed is cool and comfy.
Kristi glaring and shutting the door, only to reopen it and glare again is REALLY hilarious.
Shamae asking me if I said "How do you spell hilarious?" is as well.
The "Marriage" talk and "SHE DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THE ICE TRAYS THAT BIH" is awesome!
My new friend Emily is thuggin.
The word thug never fails to remind me of Cathy. I LOVE CATHY!
That also reminds me of beef. I don't really feel like eating meat right now.
I miss Marti for some reason- I never thought I would, but I talked to him today and I do.
I miss my old next door neighbors as well.

death cab

Author: Shexpeare /

The glove compartment isn't accurately named
And everybody knows it.
So i'm proposing a swift orderly change.
Cause behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm
I was searching for some legal document
As the rain beat down on the hood
When i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget
And that's how this idea was drilled into my head
Cause it's too important
To stay the way it's been

Sometimes i think this cycle never ends
We slide from top to bottom and we turn and climb again
And it seems by the time that i have figured what it's worth
The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse.
But if i move my place in line i'll lose.
And i have waited, the anticipation's got me glued.
I am waiting for something to go wrong. I am waiting for familiar resolve.


Author: Shexpeare /

Jainbfdsjkal;oifhdsna. You're gay. You're so cool. I know. Don't don't... I'm typing our conversation. Why. I dunno. It's I don't know not I dunno. Who cares It's on the computer, no one cares on the internet. You are talking as fast as you type.I was talking as fast as I type because I didn't 3wa3nt to type faster than that. You talk as fast as you type thats cool. Don't do that. You're lame. Just kidding. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Are you really going to send this. You mean blog it. Yeah I am. I don't know why. Just because its funny. WE need to play poker. We need to.......... call shamae. I did. She wasnt tehre. YOu were sitting next to me.


Author: Shexpeare /

Panda panda panda panda panda killer whale panda panda panda leemer panda panda baby seal panda panda panda panda panda panda panda panda panda panda killer whale panda panda panda.....

sew myself shut

Author: Shexpeare /

Have you ever ignored something, to the point where you almost believed it wasn't there anymore.....

And part of you wished it would come back, but it would seem out of place if it did. Almost as if it wasn't there in the first place.

It feels like it has always been this way, but a tiny part inside me knows something different. But it rarely came out tonight, and I rarely noticed.

I don't want something different.
But I want something different.

I'm confused. You can have both, but neither in completion. So you know what will happen. The new part and old part of you will combine and eventually it will be one life, and one way. But that tiny part will always come back and bother you. Because as much as you ignore it, there is always a little voice there, telling you it happened.
Things were different. Not suppose to be like that..... but it was okay! At the same time though it was completely ridiculously not.

It isn't my fault is it? Oh well. If you wanted it back- You'll never get it. It won't ever be back.


Author: Shexpeare /

Now I'm full of guilt and shame
I can't point a finger cause theres no one to blame
So I say I'll never do it again
But when the sun goes down, you are my only friend
I'm thinking I am starting to see
I have become everything I never wanted to be
I'm really getting sick of myself
Cause when I look into the mirror, I see somebody else

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness, I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
I feel irrational, so confrontational
It isn't possible
To ever tell the truth

You make my life completely miserable
But I've always loved you cause your oh so special
I'm broken and I'm alone and I can't maintain

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand

watch it all dissolve around you

Author: Shexpeare /

My conversations get saved on my computer- and I found this. This was like.... last year before school ended. Hehe.

calicocarrot: ::huggles::
calicocarrot: I love you too
calicocarrot: hey, do you have a color preference in the cape area?
fhqwgadsTurkey: Wow. I said it 21 times and it still means more coming from you once. ::cries::
NO! ::cries::
calicocarrot: 21 eh
fhqwgadsTurkey: ... Are you really going to make me a cape?
calicocarrot: yup
calicocarrot: I am
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::explodes::
calicocarrot: woah
calicocarrot: ::picks up tasha pieces and tries to put her back together::
calicocarrot: crap, this is going to take a while
calicocarrot: ::jeopardy music begins playing::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::kristi finds tasha's head rolling down a hill towards a pond::
calicocarrot: uh oh
fhqwgadsTurkey: FISHEYS!!! Big fish!
calicocarrot: why is there a hill and pond in tasha's room?
calicocarrot: ::chases the head::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::stops self with teeth and grass::
Kristi. I'm a superhero, there is EVERYTHING in my room.
calicocarrot: lol
calicocarrot: ::puts tasha back together and then steps back to see if anymore pieces are missing::
calicocarrot: you ok?
fhqwgadsTurkey: Kristi.. I'm missing something...
calicocarrot: what
calicocarrot: ::looks around::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::whispers::Embarassing eh? Don't tell anyone.
calicocarrot: ok
fhqwgadsTurkey: Lets find...IT.
calicocarrot: uh oh
calicocarrot: you can do that
fhqwgadsTurkey: Okay. I'm done. All here.
fhqwgadsTurkey: How many I LOVE YOUs was that.
calicocarrot: ok good
calicocarrot: um
calicocarrot: let's count
calicocarrot: 25
calicocarrot: I think...
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::almost explodes again but realizes what self is doing and contains self::
calicocarrot: :-)
fhqwgadsTurkey: The love, is flowing.
calicocarrot: ::huggles::
fhqwgadsTurkey: ::huggles:: Oh wait, I thought we were stuck together this whole time?
calicocarrot: oh yah
calicocarrot: lol
calicocarrot: in spirit
calicocarrot: or maybe we have very bendy stretchy arms
calicocarrot: ...
fhqwgadsTurkey: Cool, we are permanantly stuck together in spirit. Thats nice.
fhqwgadsTurkey: :-)

.Wait in line.Til your time.Ticking clock.Everyone Stop.

Author: Shexpeare /

She changed the dial.

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

I give an inappropriate smile. Knowing that I would taste bitterness.

You think your days are uneventful. And no one ever thinks about you. She goes her own way. You say your days are ordinary. And no one ever thinks about you. But we're all the same. And she can hardly breathe without you.
She says she has no time, for you now.
Well think about the lonely people. Or think about the day she found you. Or lie to yourself, and see it all dissolve around you. She says she has no time, for you now. Lonely people tumble downwards. And my heart opens up to you, when she says she has no time for you now.


Author: Shexpeare /

I was talking to Shamae and Holly about what a valentine was. "Be My Valentine." It is said a lot. But what the heck does it mean anyway? Then I read the Val-O-Gram post and Candace said something about it. What does it mean? Be my lover? Be my one night stand? Be my... little card with chocolates on it. I don't understand.
Be my valentine. We don't know the meaning, but we say it. Anyway, I looked it up.
I found out what it was. But now I don't want to say, because...... that ruins how funny it is to say it and not know.
Anyway, if you really want to know, maybe i'll tell you.
I don't hate Valentine's Day- but it is a little sad don't you think? Being without a lover or potential lover, what will I do on Valentine's Day? Sit at home with my single friends and eat ice cream and watch chick flicks. Sounds good to me.

Happy Singles Awareness Day guys!!!!

-the euphoric feelings never stay-

Author: Shexpeare /

Posted by Hello


Author: Shexpeare /

Everything else is dark. Posted by Hello

THEY TOOK IT DOWN! Duh, they still suck for that. That thing was awesome. Me and shmoo rock! Posted by Hello

Rest in Pieces

Author: Shexpeare /

I was thinking of nothing, and everything in that moment. My mind was racing, but the only thing I can remember was my heart. It felt heavy and it hurt. I thought I heard my mother scream a loud sob- I was surprised to realize it was coming from me. Since I was a kid, I cried quietly. I've never sobbed like that before.

I've been dwindling from the goodness inside of me for a long time. Yesterday it was revealed to everyone.Including myself.This hurts deeper than I thought it did. I felt fine on the surface, but below, I was hurting myself. I should have fixed it before I was forced to. It wouldn't have hurt so much then.

You seem fine. But you are beating yourself up, somewhere inside, you are killing yourself.I know that on the surface, you're okay with it, it might even make you happy. But believe me,in the future, you will wish you would have fixed it before you were forced to. Don't put it off anymore, it will make the experience all the worse. It is so much easier now, be brave, and do it. You'll thank God you did. It will take sacrifice, but I promise, it will take a lot less than if you put it off anymore. I know what you're thinking, you don't want to deal with it now. But later, you will wish that you did. The sacrifice now, is worth it, it will save you from what could happen in the future.

I wish I could go back. But I can't. So all I can do, is pray that the people around me learn from my experience. I don't want anyone to go through what I did. Don't be broken, don't fall to pieces, don't be ashamed, don't hurt the people around you. Fix it now. Please, I just want someone- anyone, to learn from what I did instead of going through it on their own.It might not make any sense, because right now you are happy. But I promise later you won't be.

You have it all under control. Right? Yes, you are right. You do have it under control. But satan is influencing what you DO with that control. So yes, you do have it under control. Now use that control to do what is right. Instead of hurting yourself. I know you are happy with it now. Later you won't be.

It is worth the sacrifice now.

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
Cuz this hurts deeper than I thought it did
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?


Author: Shexpeare /

smith's has a mircowave! today rocks!

Author: Shexpeare /

Today was such a great day.

I just thought I should tell you all. Today rocked.

Anyway! About the fruit-

like shmoo said, I will support, but I won't encourage. When a friend becomes what is thought of as a "fruiter"... it is just a surprise at first. Hence the "it is all just a little weird"
But I've ... well I guess I just needed a day to think on my own. And now I understand. And- just like when I met a fruiter in the first place, I'm cool with it. Seeing someone change is hard, but I've been told you get over it. I'd rather take time to think about how I can be the best friend I can... again, like shmoo said.
I feel differently then you think. Bottom line is, it didn't really change anything. And like the recent blog said, it never really mattered anyway.

So like I said, today was a really great day. I'm so happy!

Fruit, and lying.

Author: Shexpeare /

The last two weeks have taught me a few things about myself. I shall name two.

The first:
Let me use fruit to explain. Fruit can help explain anything. Now, for a minute or two here, pretend that fruit was wicked and horrible. Pretend that eating fruit, was a really bad thing to do. But mostly, pretend that it is socially unaccepted. So, if I meet someone who is a "fruiter" (someone who eats fruit, even though it is unacceptable) I'm cool with them. Even though I don't eat fruit, and I don't really like the fact that they do, I accept them and it. It doesn't really bother me, because that is part of them. But then, one of my friends becomes a fruiter. That is much harder for me to accept. I don't eat fruit, they didn't eat fruit, and- well, that was part of them. But now they have become a fruiter....
It isn't like I hate fruiters. I just got use to the fact that a fruiter was a fruiter, and my friend wasn't. That is part of them. And now everything is mixed up- it's all just a little weird.

The second: I hate lying to people. I hate it when people lie to me. Lying is just- oooo lying just evil.


Author: Shexpeare /

Dear Potential Lover-
I await our potential love. And I will regret our potential breakup. Potential love-
Holly (Your potential lover)

Candace Garner,
You are the love of my life. I feel like I am walking around without my pants on.

Here. Here are your pants
Love, Candace Garner.

The typhoon of my heart trembles your wrist like a machette at dawn. Oh wait, thats just a papercut.

Dear Shmoo,
*Spews love... like this-* LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!


Author: Shexpeare /

I am 23% Asshole/Bitch.
Not an Asshole or a Bitch.
I am not an asshole or a bitch, more like an asshole and bitch target. I have no backbone, and fold at even a slightly insincere look. I need to stop crying, I am such a wuss.