I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time.

So thankful man, I'm black

Author: Shexpeare /

The things that I am currently thankful for(in no particular order):
My Asian Mother's tendency to bounce around the kitchen
Mothers in general
Pumpkin Pie
Speaking of pie, village inn and hot chocolate
As always, chinese food and sister missionaries
Finding something I didn't remember was there
Being someone's favorite
My Not So Asian Father's tendency to make stupid jokes at the dumbest times
My Best Friend and Cornfogs
People who teach me lessons
Red Heads that are in Holly's show(They make me laugh)
Having a freaking break
And the list goes on.....

If I drop an ice cream cone and it makes me really really sad, you can think that is stupid all you want and it won't change how I feel. Just like when something is a really big deal to me, even if you think it is something small, that doesn't change how I feel.

Small or not, I feel that way.

To Indulge in Gratifying Bitterness

Author: Shexpeare /

I feel like I'm looking down at the ground. I'm falling. I was so far up, and now I'm falling. It will hurt. Things will break and rip and bleed. I will bleed. And I'm crying, because of the beautiful view. I know that I'm just going to get hurt. Very badly. But right now, I'm not even trying to catch onto something. I'm not trying to stop myself from falling, because the wind feels so good blowing through my hair, and the view...
The view is beautiful.
I'm happy.
But being happy now, means getting hurt later. If I would just grab onto something, I won't hurt as much later.
Heaven knows I'm not going to grab onto something. If anything, I'm going to let myself fall faster because-
I can't let go.
I never can.

What a hottie mchotterson. says:
what a freaking hot boy
What a hottie mchotterson. says:
I want him.
What a hottie mchotterson. say:
And I dont mean lustfully
What a hottie mchotterson. says:
I just want his heart.
"I'm in love with a thug" says:
I want his heart says:
That was awesome

Buried Myself Alive

Author: Shexpeare /

You almost always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm
Red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time
I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way

And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask

I think the chain broke away
And I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home

And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer than that
With my foot on your neck
I finally have you
Right where I want you
Nicer than that
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that

-The Used

Newspaper... people of doom.

Author: Shexpeare /

No. No I do not think I am cool for writing the thuggish language. I'm merely thug in the first place.

Here in the newspaper class I have Erick the MISTER MOHAWK MAN to my right. Then there is .... safety pin paige below me. Armon, the armor man.... dude .... thug to my left.

Bluegrass boy just left.

This class is going to be interestingly neat I can tell. No really.

Plus. Strangly Attractive.


Author: Shexpeare /

I don't know.

I do know. I do.
Too much of it actually makes sense in my mind. It ACTUALLY makes sense. If I think about...
I'm afriad to change that.
I don't know.
I would rather... then change? I'm scared. No.
I'm just as screwed up as the rest of them.
You just don't know it until you know me.
Not that bad.
You love me until you know me.
she noticed
It is built up.
I am manipulative....without even realizing it... and it has always worked. Until her. She won't let it work.

Defiant and submissive.
I'll bite your head off.
Who am I?

hi, i'm shamae

Author: Shexpeare /

Those things that I hate about myself...

I hate them because you hate them.

I think that if you hated what I love most about me, I would start hating it too.

I think I'm blogging so much because it is a release of some sort. And right now I could use a big release. I could use relief. And there isn't anything else to do this late at night. There isn't anything to do but cry. Or explode. But that isn't an option, not really anyway.

My eyes hurt. My throat burns. *DRAMATIC CHANGE* From laughing. Thanks shmoo.

To Force A Door Of Fortune's Alms

Author: Shexpeare /

More than anything, I want it to rain.
More than anything, I want to have that invisible dog attack me right now. I want to make them laugh.
More than anything, I could use that cup of hot chocolate and a late night sitting with Bob.
More than anything, I want Bob to want to go to Gunnies with me.
More than anything, I don't want Shmoo to move.

More than anything, I want to look inside myself, and stop seeing things I hate.
I am glad to know what is wrong with me. I'm glad you tell me what I need to stop doing. I wish I knew how to stop doing those things. I wish I knew how to-
Bridle the Passion? Bridle the Passion.

To Hear Your Own Pained And Cracked Voice

Author: Shexpeare /

I think we have all said one of those prayers. Those insincere ones. The one where you ask for a safe ride home when the meeting has merely started. The one where you ask for a good nights rest and a good day tomorrow. The one where you are thankful for your many blessings...

But not really.

You are just saying it.

But when you say one of those prayers, and that is what you really want... You really want a good day. You want to be happy. You are thankful. So thankful...

It isn't one of those prayers.

I can't stop itching over thoughts of tarnished hope

Author: Shexpeare /

When listening to the lyrics of a song, you usually get the big picture. But I love when songs have random lines in them that you don't understand completely... and even if the artist tried to explain, you would never get it. It is because the big picture of what made you write the song has so many things too it that they will never understand.
Because they aren't in your head. They will never understand, because they weren't there. They will never understand WHY that explains how you feel.

But that is how songs relate.
You can mold those lyrics to be anything you want.

They are so specific, yet so general, that they can mean anything yet only one thing. Your one thing.
Your life.

I'm happy you took the happy cup.

I hate you. DUH! DUH DUH!
FREAK FREAK FREAK! DUH! DUH DUH!!!! No venting could make me feel better right now. I'm so pissed you stupid stupid.... Duh.

... Posted by Hello

Real Death.  Posted by Hello

What are you afraid of? Why do you feel so alone? Posted by Hello

I walked across an empty land. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth... beneath my feet... Posted by Hello

Whew. That was nice. I cleaned my room. It has been a while since I did it.

i love all of you, hurt by the cold

Author: Shexpeare /

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look around? I mean really look at the people around you. You feel happy in this moment. And it is like Heavenly Father has giving you a glimpse of how much he loves everyone. You feel just a little bit of that love he has for everyone. And you love them.

And you want to love them forever.

But like Holly says, when you come back from church, the world sucks you back in. And nothing has changed.

Maybe you don't understand.
Pick a moment when there are people around you.
People who are your friends.
People who ridicule you.
People who you look up to.
People who look down on you.
And think about how much he loves them. They are his children. He loves the people you hate. And he loves them more than you can possibly imagine.
It is possible you think I'm incredibly stupid for saying all of this.
But even if it is just that moment, we will love everyone. And we will want to love everyone like that for the rest of our lives. And you will understand why I like those people you don't.

One day, the world will not suck me back in. One day, that moment will stay.

what the duce?

Author: Shexpeare /

Strangly attractive boy came up and talked to me.
I swear I didn't hear a word he said. I just smiled and nodded like a twitterpated idiot. Ask bobby, she witnessed the whole ordeal.
Anyway, I'm not like this. I don't get tongue tied. Boys don't scare me. I'm not one of those people who can't just go up and say hi, or go up and ask them out on a date. So what the duce is wrong? It is like he has cooties or something.

What is wrong with me.

a place i knew better than myself

Author: Shexpeare /

All I ever wanted was a place that only we knew. A place that was ours. A place we called home.
I don't mean the place where we live. I don't mean a house. I mean a place that only we knew. The comfortable familiarity of love and support. To have the quality and state of being familiar. To have a close relationship. To have what they have. All I ever wanted was to be the person you came to when you wanted to get away. When you had something stupid to say. To confide. To live.
It isn't our place though.
It is my place. It is my comfort. My familiarity. Not yours. You have said it without words. We are merely saying a long goodbye. Because it isn't our place. It is mine. And that means you don't need to be there.

Have you ever had a life altering sunday school lesson? Well I did today. Ask Holly about it, it was just amazing.